


Mentor In Grey

by Lady_Felucia



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Babies, Competition, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Friendship, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren and Rey - Freeform, Loneliness, Love, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Kylo Ren, Regret, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) - Freeform, The First Order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 00:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9409007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Felucia/pseuds/Lady_Felucia
Summary: Kylo Ren has defeated Rey in battle, and has brought her on board his ship, looking to turn her into his pupil. Despite her initial unwillingness, she agrees; and the two set out to learn the ways of the Force--and of life, from each other.





	1. Chapter 1

"Leave her. She's dead."

"She is NOT dead. She's still breathing!"

"Ren . . ."

Ren ignored him and dropped weakly to his knees, in the snow. The icy cold cut through his torn robes like the blade of a knife, causing him to flinch in pain.

He grabbed the arm of the girl and pressed two fingers against her thin wrist, desperately feeling for a pulse. It was there; very slow, pitifully weak--but THERE.

"Have those two bring her on board the ship", he ordered, jerking his head towards the two guards who were standing a few feet away in the trees.

"Ren, we DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS! The planet is minutes away from imploding, and you're hurt. We don't have time to waste saving a nothing-girl! Snoke sent me to find YOU, not some barely breathing scavenger!"

"I don't need any help! I'm fine! I can get on the ship on my own!"

"You're not really in a position to argue with me right now! You're rapidly bleeding out and obviously delusional!"

Ren got unsteadily to his feet, swaying, fighting as hard as he could against his own blood loss and the shock that was setting in.

Ignoring the General, he staggered over to the two guards and snarled "Get the girl and put her on board. Bring her to med bay at once."

"Yes, my Lord," they replied simultaneously, rushing to retrieve the small broken figure from the ground and carrying her up the ramp and into the ship.

He bent once more and picked up the lightsaber that had been laying on the ground near her body. 

A slow, wide smile spread over the burning bundle of blood and pain that his face had become, causing him to take on a somewhat savage, deranged look.

Despite his agony it was hard to ignore the onslaught of satisfaction, of joy that flooded his body when he laid hold of the saber.

Anakin Skywalker's saber.

He clipped it into his belt, next to his own beloved cross-guard saber.

Grandfather, he thought to himself. NOW I can finish what you started.

"Now, then, come on, General," he said over his shoulder to Hux as he walked slowly up the ramp, on legs that he could just barely feel.

"Bloody idiot", he heard Hux mutter as he hurried after him, casting worried glances back at the fiery fissures opening up the ground behind them.

*-(-)*(-)*(-)*(-)-*

Ren hated the Bacta tank.

He hated the feeling of floating, of utter helplessness. The slimy pink substance burned as it made its way around his body and closed up his bleeding wounds, the torn open patches of skin.

Unfortunately they had gotten to him too late to heal the scar that was now forever emblazoned across his face, an angry red that stretched from his cheek to his forehead in a wide diagonal swath.

The girl's injuries were not serious enough to require the use of a Bacta tank. 

He had her put in a private section of med bay, with no one except medical droids allowed into the room with her, and two guards standing outside her door in case of an escape attempt.

Not that she was in any condition to make a get-away. 

Ren had managed to knock her unconscious, giving her a minor but non threatening concussion. He had also inflicted several bloody cuts across her rib cage and abdomen, but these were easily stitched and bandaged by the medical droids.

The worst of her injuries was that she was suffering from severe shock, partly due to sudden blood loss but due in large to the unfamiliar temperature of the snow planet they had been on.

She had lived her entire life on Jakku, a very warm, arid planet. The freezing temperatures of the snow and ice had been something her tiny body was unprepared for. The adrenaline caused by their battle had sustained her for a long time, but once it was over, the combination of physical pain and the harsh atmosphere had been too much for her to handle.

Ren was informed that she had regained consciousness, and that they had managed to bring her body temperature back to normal. He instructed that she be brought food, and he waited an hour before going to see her.

Normally he wore his mask when meeting with prisoners, but in this case, what would be the point? She had already seen his face; wearing his facial armor now would be besides the point.

He strode into the room, boots clomping on the tile floors, and walked up to her bedside, stopping just a few feet away.

She was awake, and sitting up. She said nothing as he approached but watched his every move silently, carefully, the way a mouse will watch a hawk circling in the sky.

He looked over at her for a long time, considering her delicate features. 

Seeing her in this light, injured and somewhat helpless, was a big switch from how he had seen her just a few hours back, wielding a lightsaber with uncanny precision and expertly fending off his skilled attack, despite having had no formal training with the matter.

"What is your name?", he finally asked, gazing down at her.

She didn't answer; instead she curled her lips into a snarl and glared at him in a defiant sneer.

"It doesn't do you any good to resist, you know. You're a prisoner of the First Order now. In specific, MY prisoner. The more cooperative you are with me, the easier this whole experience will be for you."

She still didn't answer, nor did she drop her gaze from his face. Her bright hazel eyes burned into his dark brown ones, penetrating, almost seeming as if she was seeing into his very soul. 

It made him nervous, which was almost an entirely foreign state of being to him; so he found an excuse to look away.

He glanced around the room and spotted a little steel chair sitting a few beds away. He went to retrieve it, pulling it up to the side of her bed and sitting down. He was still slightly shaky on his feet, no where near fully recovered from his injuries; not that she needed to know that.

She flinched away from his sudden closeness, dropping her gaze to her hands folded in her lap.

He noticed her reaction and sighed to himself, shaking his head. 

"Look . . . scavenger", he said, using a softer tone than was normal for him. "What I said back there still goes. You are powerful with the Force but you're unfocused, and undisciplined. You DO need a teacher. I can teach you. I can help you reach the true potential of your gift. Become my pupil, and some day you will hold as high a position in The First Order as myself."

"However," he continued, voice dropping down low, "You can refuse me, of course. You can refuse to cooperate or to wisely make this as painless as possible for yourself. But once you do that, once you decide to reject my offer, Snoke will have you executed. There is no other option. You join us, or you die."

"I'll leave you to think about it," he nodded at her, scraping back his chair and turning to leave.

Right as he reached the door, a soft voice emanated from behind, causing him to turn around.

"Rey."

"Excuse me?", he asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"My--name. It's Rey."

"Rey.", he said, coming back towards her bedside. "That's certainly better than "scavenger". 

"Does this mean you wish to take me up on my offer?", he asked, folding his arms across his chest and looking down on her expectantly.

"Yes."

"Good. I knew you were a smart girl."

"What--what do I call YOU?"

"It's normal etiquette for a pupil to refer to her teacher as 'Master'. Yet somehow that doesn't really seem to fit here, does it? You know me so much more intimately than that," he said sarcastically, tracing out the long scar she had managed to give him across his face.

She winced upon seeing his fingers move over the jagged line in his features. "I'm sorry about that," she said in her soft voice, not meeting his eyes. 

He looked at her incredulously. Apologizing? She was actually apologizing for what she had done to someone in the heat of battle? 

She DID have a lot to learn.

"Never tell your enemy that you're sorry, Rey. Ever. It makes one look weak and unimposing."

"You're my enemy?", she asked, confused.

"No, my dear. Not now. But I WAS at the time. Therefore an apology is most inappropriate in this situation."

"Now, to answer your question, you may call me either Ren, or Kylo. Really the choice is yours."

"What about--Ben?", she asked timidly, eyes on his face. "Wasn't that what your fath--uh, what Han called you?"

He scowled down at her. 

"That name--has no meaning for me. It belonged to another person, in another life. To a man who no longer exists. Han knew this; or at least, he does now."

Rey's lips were trembling slightly, her eyes taking on an over-bright hue. Ren knew that she had gotten somewhat close to Han, before his death at his son's hands. That, in her loneliness, she had come to see him as a sort of father-figure. He knew that Han's demise must be weighing heavily on her mind, hurting her deeply.

Rather than face the confusion of feeling that her pain created for him, he abruptly turned away, walking back towards the door. Once there he paused and said, over his shoulder,

"Get some rest. We arrive at base in two days time. I'll be back to check on you in the morning. Rey."

With that he finally walked out the door, leaving his new student behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

"This is ridiculous", Rey said, sighing.

"It is NOT ridiculous; it's necessary."

They were standing in the enclosed courtyard that Kylo had begun to use as a personal training facility. The slick, dewy grass and the numerous stumps and sharp rocks made navigating the field difficult, like walking around land mines, but this was the way he liked it.

Supreme Leader Snoke had been most pleased with him that he had successfully retrieved the girl, and had gotten her to agree to be trained by him in the Force. It was a bright spot in an otherwise bleak reality, with the loss of Starkiller base and their long worked on super weapon.

They were at the First Order's second base now, located on a remote moon in the Kriellen system. 

Plans were already going forward for the construction of a new weapon; although personally, Kylo did not see the point. He felt that rather than creating a weapon, they were making themselves into a target. Anything THAT big was bound to get destroyed, sooner or later.

But he had been unable to say this to Snoke, or dampen the gleam in General Hux's eyes whenever he spoke of it.

The first Starkiller had been Hux's main focus for almost 5 years, his pet, his baby. He had been devastated by its loss, and was almost rabid in his desire to create a new one.

Ren felt that they would be better off using their resources towards something else. Perhaps a stronger army. Better-trained storm troopers. Something, anything else.

But apparently he was alone in this opinion.

He pushed this out of his mind, now, as he regarded the timid woman beside him.

She had been behaving surprisingly well concerning this whole situation. He had been afraid that she would try and escape once the reached the base, or lash out at him, but no such actions came.

She was quietly respectful of the people around her, and she had shown almost no fear when being introduced to the Supreme Leader, which was very impressive.

Snoke had been able to sense right away how strong she was with the Force, and had tasked Ren wit getting started on her training as soon as possible.

"We need to build you up a little, work on your reflexes and stamina, before we move on to the mental side of the Force. You're already quite strong on that aspect, you know. But you're weak on this one, which is why we're training like this."

He had in his hands two wooden kendo sticks. They were lightweight and easy to wield, but, if utilized properly, could create quite a painful reaction in ones opponent. 

These sticks had been altered slightly by him. Instead of the smooth, even shape all around the edges contained very sharp points, intended to increase the pain of being struck by one.

"Obviously, being mentally strong is important. But it's just as important to be physically strong. It helps, to be prepared to react to the things that your mind will anticipate. To defend, and to attack. Strong mind, strong body."

He tossed her one of the sticks, watching as she just barely caught it with the tips of her fingers.

"Now, I'm going to start hitting out at you with my stick. I want you to react. Anticipate my moves and react accordingly. Try to take me down. Understood?"

She nodded, looking nervous as she gripped the stick in her hands.

He began slowly, testing her reflexes. Her quick mind was able to accurately sense where he would strike, and she was able to deflect his club with relative ease.

Without warning be increased the tempo of his jabs, hitting out at her more quickly than before, and harder, leaving bright pink marks all over her bare arms and legs.

In her harried state, she was less able to predict his moves and her reactions went down, to the point where she was barely able to defend herself.

He could feel the anger rising in her at the situation, at him. Could feel it swelling, but it was being held back by a tremendous effort on her part.

"Stop that," he said angrily. "Stop denying your anger! USE it! Control it! Summon the energy that comes from your anger and hit me back!"

"But I don't --"

He interrupted her quickly, with a sharp blow to the side. 

"You were doing it just fine during our lightsaber battle! You need to let go. LET GO!", he boomed, striking at her again with his stick. "I'm attacking you, I'm hurting you. I can feel how angry this is making you! Use it! Strike me back!"

Still she held back, reluctant to get aggressive, and barely able to fend off the worst of his blows.

"I should give you a scar, like the one you gave me," he said as he continued his attack. "It's just too bad you weren't able to do that to me BEFORE I killed Han. Might've made him feel a little better, seeing me get hurt, before his pathetic death."

The expression on her face changed rapidly. He could see the anger, the frustration that she had been pushing back, blazing out of her eyes. Her breathing changed, as did her defensive posture.

She leapt at him with her stick, putting her full weight into it as she swung at his face. He easily anticipated her move and stepped back a fraction of a second before her stick would have connected, lobbying his own at her exposed center.

His stick tore a long gash down the middle of her tunic, splitting open the just-barely-healed wound that was there. The pale skin there quickly turned red as blood leaked out in a painful drizzle down her abdomen, staining the fabric of her clothing.

With an enraged shriek she came at him again, this time solidly connecting with his leg and managing, albeit briefly, to knock him off balance.

She anticipated his retaliatory moves and backed them with a steady offense of hits, remaining single-mindedly focused on taking him down. 

He outweighed her, but the force of her thrusts were enough to successfully drive him backwards. Her face contorted into a vicious snarl as she levied blow after blow at him, using her agile body to her advantage as she moved quickly around him, attacking any exposed part of him that she could reach.

In a sudden surprise motion, she struck at his ankles and swept them out from under him, knocking him onto his back, his own stick flying from his hands and landing several feet away.

He smiled, wiping sweat off his forehead as Rey stood over him, her own stick pointed like a spear at his heart. 

"How's that for being aggressive?", she asked him, a smirk on her face.

"Excellent. Very, very impressive, Rey. You see how powerful using your anger makes you? How strong?"

She nodded, lowering her stick and smiling lightly. 

"I'm not going to apologize, because a wise man once told me never apologize to an enemy. However--would you like a hand in getting up?"

"Yes," he said, raising himself up on his elbows. "But first, can you get my stick out of the mud for me?"

She turned her head in the direction of his stick, and he used the distraction to immediately leap at her, grasping her by her knees and slamming her to the ground.

She yelled in surprise, her hand going up to rub her aching head.

Ren smirked as he got to his feet, looking down at her. 

"I'm not really numbering the rules, here, but if I did this would be rule #1: Never, EVER let your guard down."

"Message received," she groaned, still rubbing at her head.

Relenting, he bent and grasped her hands, pulling her to her feet.

"On the whole, though, you did remarkably well today, Rey. In time your reflexes will merge with your mental senses, and you'll be virtually unstoppable."

"In the meantime, though," he continued, looking her over critically, "I think you should go to med bay and get that cut bandaged up. It's no fun for me to beat an injured opponent."

She laughed, her hand lightly touching her torn shirt. "Yes, I guess you're right. We're training again tomorrow, right?"

"Correct."

"Good. Thank you, Ren. I -- really like this. It's kind of -- fun."

"Fun?", he scoffed, raising an eyebrow. "I don't think I've ever heard someone describe this as 'fun', before."

He wouldn't admit it, at least not to her, but he was having fun, too. There was something about her presence that was very disarming. It put him at ease, which was indeed a rarity for him.

And despite himself, he felt a kind of --affection, for his pupil. A small tenderness that he wasn't used to feeling with other people.

A person who is blind from the time that they are born really have no idea that they're blind, or even what blindness IS. They've lived with the absence of color, shapes, and other imagery for so long that they have no idea that there are any different realities to be experienced.

The only way they would know anything different would be if they were allowed to see, if only for a few seconds, what everyone else could see all along.

Ren had been lonely his whole life. Despite his parents best efforts to connect with him, he always felt horribly distanced from them as people. It was the same with his Uncle Luke, and the pupils at the Jedi academy.

He had thought, in the beginning, that Snoke was the one person who understood him, who "got" him; who could make him feel less alone.

But that turned out to be false. Snoke respected him and coveted his raw talents and power, but in the end, had no real "liking" for Ren. He was merely a means to an end, a way of accomplishing his goals through the magnitude of Ren's Force abilities. When he felt that he had gotten all he could out of Ren, he would inevitably dispose of him.

Ren knew this, deep down. Had known from the start; but had always denied his intuition to himself. It was his father that had brought his fears out into the open, tearing away his shield and leaving him feeling confused and exposed.

In the end, though, Ren knew that it was ultimately too late to change his situation, or return to his former life.

He had also felt it too late to remedy the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness that often penetrated his mind, making it increasingly difficult to function.

He had lived with the loneliness so long that it was just a natural part of him, as permanent as his dark hair, or the scar on his face.

When Rey came into the picture, he was reminded of that lonely feeling in a very powerful way. When he had probed her mind during their first encounter, he had read the same kind of hurt, of pain, that he himself often felt.

This was part of the reason why he felt unable to just leave her behind on Starkiller Base, even as the planet was collapsing into fire all around them.

He felt then what he felt now; the possibility of a kindred spirit, a person who could maybe understand him and help ease some of his aching emotional solitude.

Someone who could, quite possibly, become a -- friend.

He pushed the thought away from him with the ease of something long-practiced. It was foolish to sit here and think such sentimental slop over a creature who was, in effect, a prisoner.

A willing prisoner; but a prisoner just the same.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Rey," he said gruffly as he walked away from her, leaving her with her own thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

"Can I come in?"

Ren was standing outside the doors of Rey's quarters, feeling a little awkward as the storm troopers and personnel passing in the hallway stopped and looked at him. It was unusual, seeing him on this side of the base, near the living quarters.

Ren's own quarters were clear on the other side of the base, isolated, always "protected" by at least two guards who stood beside the outer doors day and night. 

Ren had never felt that he NEEDED a "guard"; if anyone were really stupid enough to try and hurt him, he would be able to hear their thoughts from quite a distance away, before they actually got to him. 

But Supreme Leader Snoke was very much about appearances, and having a guard always stationed outside his quarters showed that Ren was of a higher ranking than others, in The First Order. The only other individual to have a guard, besides Ren and Snoke himself, was General Hux.

Not that Hux was ever in his quarters long enough to warrant having a guard. It seemed that no matter what time of day or night it was, Ren could always find Hux stalking around, giving orders, overseeing the construction on the new Starkiller, and such. When he wasn't on base he was on board the Finalizer as troops were sent on different missions, or raids, across the galaxy.

He was extremely harsh on the troops, very hands on and painfully observant. He would have a hidden vantage point where he would watch battles and hand to hand combat, and he would take care to note who had performed poorly or unimpressively. 

More often than not, the highest death toll from any given battle came not from the enemy but from General Hux himself, as he would order the execution of those he had perceived "failed" him during a mission.

"Weeding out the weak, Ren," was what he had replied when Ren had questioned him on his methods. "There is no point to having a weak soldier on the front lines."

Ren knew that Hux had no real feelings of friendliness towards him; however, there was a large means of respect in place. The General was a man who put order, and rank, above everything else.

He respected Ren because he knew of the value that Supreme Leader Snoke put in him. He had witnessed many times his Force abilities, and was grateful for how easy his "gift" made interrogating prisoners and enemies of The First Order.

He respected Ren, but he also kept his distance from him whenever possible. Appreciation for the abilities aside, it was well known that Ren was often unpredictable, and somewhat unstable. The smallest of things could make him snap, and when they did, damage in property and in people abounded.

Yet as much as they stayed out of each other's way, it felt like Ren was ALWAYS seeing him, or hearing his voice. He often wondered to himself when, if at all, he slept.

He could also be deceptively charming, when it came to women. The first time Ren had brought Rey to meet him, he had actually bowed before her and kissed her hand. 

As if he hadn't vehemently protested that they leave her for dead back on the old Starkiller base.

Ren had been very grateful that he was wearing his mask at the time, because the look on his face would have burned holes right through the ginger man.

"So you're Ren's pupil, hmm?", he had asked her, a smile on his face. "If you ever want to expand your knowledge, you can come to me. I can't teach you the 'ways of the Force' but I can teach you about combat, and weaponry. Things of the sort."

Rey had nodded and thanked him, somewhat nervously, before being led away by Ren. Hux's thoughts concerning the girl were irritating him, hitting at his face and buzzing like flies. 

She's prettier than I thought, Hux had thought to himself. And apparently talented with that Force nonsense. I'm going to have to pay closer attention to that one . . .

Ren stood outside the quarters of "that one" now, smiling to himself at her disheveled appearance. She had obviously just woken up, and was surprised to see him there. Normally she met him at a predetermined location for training or meditation; he hadn't ever been to her quarters before.

She hesitated a moment, before stepping aside with a hasty "Come in."

Once inside, Ren pulled off his helmet and looked around himself. The setup of her quarters were pretty much the same as his own, except for the glaring exception of flowers. 

There were flowers in the vases on the tables, flowers lining the shelves, flowers laid along the back of the couch. Everywhere he looked was a colorful petal-trinket resting on a bare surface.

He sat down beside her on her sofa, delicately removing a few flowers out of his way in order to sit.

"No, I'm not," she said with a pout.

"What?"

"I'm not suffering from some form of insanity. I can hear what you're thinking, Ren. And I promise I'm  
not."

Ren grinned, absently running his fingers through his hair. "You're getting good at that, Rey. Very good."

"So why--"

"Honestly, I have to ask; what is WITH all the flowers?"

Rey blushed, looking down at her feet.

" . . . had any," she mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"I said I never had any before," she said in a clearer voice, looking up at him. "There were no flowers on Jakku. Just weeds. And here there are just so many, growing everywhere! I like to go out early in the morning and pick them."

"All of these are ones that you picked and carried back here? That's--somewhat impressive."

"Not ALL," she said, gesturing to a small cluster of yellow roses sitting on an end table. "The, uh, the General. General Hux sent me those."

"General Hux?!" he snapped out, gritting his teeth. "Why in the world is HE sending YOU flowers?"

"He likes me, I think," she said matter-of-factly, watching him wearily. "Not that the feeling is mutual," she added in quickly.

Ren relaxed his shoulders a bit. What was wrong with him, anyway? He had no right to question what was going on in her life beyond their training sessions. It shouldn't matter to him who was sending her flowers, or showing her attention, or anything at all.

It SHOULDN'T matter.

A moment of awkward silence passed, before Rey asked him, softly, 

"So why are you here?"

"I came with some good news, actually. I've been talking to Snoke, telling him of your progress. He thinks--WE think it's time you built your own lightsaber."

"Really?!" she exclaimed, eyes lighting up. "That's--incredible! When do we start?!"

He chuckled a bit at her enthusiasm. "We'll be making the actual saber here; or rather, you will. It's a very personal process; but I'll explain all that later. First we have to go to Ilum, to get a kyber crystal for it."

"Ilum? I never heard of there before. Where is it?"

"It's a remote planet on the other side of the galaxy. It's an ice planet so there aren't that many inhabitants; although I've been told there are still a few settlements located here and there throughout."

It WOULD have to be another cold planet, she thought ruefully to herself. To him she merely said "When do we go?"

*-(-)-(-)*(-)-(-)-*

They landed on the planets surface a few hours before sunset, the late afternoon rays of the sun highlighting the opening of the cave, making it glitter and sparkle with a subtle illuminance.

Rey was glad that she had worn warmer clothing, this time. 

Ilum was cold, covered with a fine layer of snow and ice, making walking across its surface very unsteady.

Ren handed her a small sack before they exited the ship, in which to place her chosen crystal.

Once inside the cave, she marveled at how much energy she felt flowing through the enclosed space, how much light. The crystals all seemed to possess a soul of their own, talking to one another in the stillness.

Each crystal flowed with its own radiant hue, the different tints bleeding into each other in a rainbow of colors.

Ren stood silently outside the cave as she searched inside for her crystal. Choosing a crystal was a very intimate experience, different for each Force user. You picked one that called out to you, specifically. You would take that crystal home with you and meditate on it for several days, allowing nothing and no one else to interfere with your thoughts, in effect transferring your own force sensitivity to it. After doing this you would then construct a lightsaber and place your crystal inside, ready to be wielded by the creator.

Rey walked reverently around the crystals, touching a few and feeling the energies of others. Eventually she came a crystal that seemed different from the others, more "alive", more vital.

It was large and pointed, with a vibrant yellow-gold hue that shone out from inside.

Smiling, she plucked the crystal and placed it in her sack, giving it a gentle pat. "I think it's YOU," she thought towards the gem.

She had been so preoccupied that she had not heard the scuffle that had been ensuing outside.

There was a man outside, a large man with a bright blue-bladed lightsaber that he had aimed at Ren's throat. Ren was on the ground, eyes closed, apparently knocked unconscious by a large heavy block of ice that was laying near his bleeding head.

She took the blaster out of her pocket and shot at the man, in effect knocking his lightsaber out of his hand and several feet away. When he turned to retrieve it, she lobbed another shot at him--and froze. The blaster was jammed. It wouldn't fire out anymore. 

What was she going to do?

Rey took a deep breath, focusing on the situation at hand, controlling her fear.

She bent in one fluid motion and unclipped Ren's saber from his belt, igniting it. 

Narrowing her focus to her opponent, she attacked, wielding the heavy saber with ease as she struck blow after blow against the other's saber, frustrating him. The man was bigger than her but she was more agile, able to duck and flip all around his mostly stationary position, quickly tiring him out.

Eventually she managed to disarm the man and drive him to his knees, a look of horror on his face. She held the blade of Ren's saber pointed at his neck, and thought to herself.

For a split second she thought about letting him go. Of letting him get to his feet and flee back to wherever he had come from.

Then the anger rose up in her, hot and choking, blocking out all logical thought or reasoning. She lifted the fiery blade above her head and brought it down in a clean stroke on his neck, swiftly decapitating him.

She stood for a moment, contemplating his blood-spouting neck, before switching off the saber and turning back towards Ren.

He was still unconscious, laying with his face turned up towards the sun, a tiny trickle of blood slowly trailing down his forehead unto his cheek. She clipped his saber back into his belt and backed away, wondering how she was going to handle this.

Using all her strength, she managed to hoist him across her shoulder and carry him, staggering under his size, to the ship. She laid him on the bunk and retrieved a wash cloth from the 'fresher, wetting it and carefully wiping away the blood. 

She wove a bandaid twice around the shallow wound, then turned his face over in her hands take sure there was nothing else she needed to tend to.

Satisfied that he was fine, she once more exited the ship and retrieved the small burlap bag of her kyber crystal sitting outside the entrance to the cave, and brought it on board.

Sitting in the pilots seat, she punched in the coordinates of their return destination and lifted off, noting the way the cave sparkled behind them, even in the growing dimness.

Once they left the planets atmosphere and on to their correct path, she set the controls to autopilot and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes.

What a day.

On the one hand she was proud of herself, for handling a situation that had turned sour so quickly. She had proven to herself that she was capable of doing things on her own, and that she could be level headed under pressure.

She had even proven that she could win a lightsaber battle with someone other than Ren, and without Ren's guidance to do so.

It was bothering her, however, that she had killed her opponent rather than letting him go. 

She knew that Ren would have told her to do what she did, but still. He would have said that showing mercy to ones enemy was a weakness, and not at all in alignment with the beliefs of the dark side. 

She KNEW this, so why did she still feel remorse over her actions?

A low moan from behind her snapped her out of her reverie, and she went and stood over Ren, watching as he slowly woke up.

"What happened?" he asked her, his hand going up to touch the bandaid wrapped around his forehead.

She gave him a detailed explanation of all that had transpired after his accident, watching as his eyes lit up with amusement upon hearing that she had used his lightsaber.

He slowly moved into a sitting position, leaning back against the wall.

"I can't believe that you managed to get me on board the ship," he murmured. "Or that you actually defeated that man in a duel."

"It wasn't really a fair fight, though. He wasn't a Jedi. He didn't have any Force powers. He was just a man who apparently built sabers and learned to fight with them as a hobby of sorts."

"A hobby," scoffed Ren, rubbing his head. "A pretty foolish hobby, and a dangerous one. But I guess he knows that now, doesn't he?"

"I guess he does," she replied in a low voice, turning away before he could spot the regret that was still in her eyes. 

"Do you feel okay? Do you want some water, maybe some food rations?"

"No, I'm fine now," he said, getting to his feet and coming over to her. 

"Thank you, by the way," he said. "You saved my life, you know. That man probably would have killed me just so he could go back to his people and say that he had taken down a dark lord of the First Order."

"Well, you saved MY life, too, you know. Even if you were trying to kill me five minutes beforehand," she said with a teasing smirk.

"Then I guess we're even."

"I guess so," she replied, smiling.

"So can I see the crystal you picked out?"

"Oh, yes! Of course!", she said, going to retrieve the bag and handing it to him.

He pulled it out gingerly, turning it this way and that, admiring the shape and the color.

"Yellow?", he asked, looking sideways at her. "That's--an interesting choice. I don't believe I've ever seen a yellow-bladed lightsaber before."

"I like it," she said, shrugging as she took back the crystal and returned it to its bag. "It's unique."

"It certainly is. Very unique. Kind of like you."

She blushed, looking away. 

"Oh, hey, I almost forgot," he says, reaching into one of the pockets of his robe. He held something out to her in the palm of his hand, something small.

It was a flower.

A tiny flower, pink with a warm brown center. The velvety petals were shaped like diamonds, each blending seamlessly into the one next to it.

"Where did you get this?", she asked quietly, picking it up by the delicate stem and turning it around and around, examining all the tiny details.

"It was growing on the wall outside the cave, along the bottom."

"I didn't even notice them," she continued in a hushed voice, looking at his face. "How in the world does a flower grow through ICE?"

"I have no idea, but it must be pretty strong, to do so."

She placed the flower, gently, in her own pocket.

Without stopping to think about it, she stretched up on her tiptoes and wrapped her soft arms around Ren, giving him a warm kiss on his cheek.

"This is--very sweet of you. To think of me like that. Thank you."

"It's no problem," he mumbled, face reddening as he embraced her, gently patting her on the back.

They pulled away from each other and stood, looking into each other's eyes.

Ren felt that something had just happened, something had just changed between them; although he had no idea WHAT.

He quickly pushed the thought back as he moved away from her, going to the little table in the corner.

"So--do you, um, want to play Dejarik or something? We've got quite a lot of time before we're back home, yet."

"I don't know," she said, moving to sit in the chair opposite him. "I've never played before."

"Don't worry; I can teach you."

"You're always teaching me something!", she said, pouting. "When do I get to teach YOU something?"

"Probably never.", he said in a serious voice, before wiggling his eyebrows at her in an exaggerated manner.

She laughed out loud at that, settling back in her chair as she prepared to learn yet another skill from this most curious of teachers.


	4. Chapter 4

"Rey, its the worst thing you can possibly imagine. Worse than death, even."

He was telling her about the upcoming formal dinner/ball that Snoke was holding for his diplomatic allies from the Darkedian system. It was an event that didn't happen very often but when it did, everyone made a big deal out of it.

Ren hated it.

He hated having to greet people, and he hated the formality of it, the stiffness. He hated the way he stood at Snoke's side and listened to how he praised him to the public when behind closed doors he was as hyper critical as anything.

Because these visitors were close personal allies of Snoke's, Ren was not permitted to wear his mask when in their presence. This left him feeling horribly naked, horribly vulnerable and exposed.

He was always "encouraged" to be friendly and dance with the women, which he hated more than anything. Their thoughts bothered him, always admiring his face and body. 

A few of the more interesting ones let loose with a mental torrent of passionate, lewd fantasies concerning the dark knight, and it was a struggle for him not to let on that he heard them, or to burst into laughter at their foolish ways.

One time, a particularly intoxicated woman had said, after leaning heavily against him as he struggled to hold her up on the dance floor,

"Is that your lightsaber in your pocket, Lord Ren, or do you just really like me?"

Ren had looked around him. They were dancing in a remote corner with not that many other people around. So he pulled out his lightsaber and ignited it, holding it inches from her face. "Guess it's just the lightsaber."

She had fainted and he quickly put his saber away before anyone else saw it, carrying her to a chair and saying that she had passed out from too much wine.

That had happened at the last event, some 2 years back, but the incident was still embedded in Ren's mind.

But maybe this year wouldn't be so bad now, now that he had the scar.

"How often do things like this happen here?", Rey was asking him curiously.

"Thankfully, only once every few years. Snoke has never been a fan of events like this but protocal dictates it, and he doesn't want to lose the respect or loyalty of his followers that pay close attention to things like custom and tradition."

"I suppose that means we have to dress up? Like, formal dress?"

"You suppose correctly," he said with a grimace.

"What are YOU going to wear?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I have what you'd call "formal" robes, really just black robes with a lot of fancy buttons and polished boots. I guess I'll wear one of those."

"I'll have to go out and get a dress. I really hate dresses. I prefer my tunic and my robe."

"Well, why not get a dress with a hood on it? That way it's formal but it's still like wearing a robe."

"That's a good idea, actually," she smiled at him.

"I'm always full of good ideas."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The day of the dinner ball arrived, and the base was a bustle of activity all day with people setting up and preparing for it.

Ren watched all of this with a somewhat detached feeling. Of all the things he had to do for the First Order, he considered formal occasions like this to be of the most ridiculous.

He went about his meditation session like normal, and in the mid-afternoon he summoned Rey to train with him. 

Now that she had successfully built her lightsaber, they were able to engage in combat. 

She was naturally skilled in a very basic combative style, as well as employing some elements of the Makashi fighting style into her repertoire.

He was able to expand her skills and open up her mind to different, more complex fighting styles, such as Djem So, which he had learned from Snoke. This was difficult as this style placed emphasis on using ones inner strength to launch attacks on ones opponents. Getting Rey to use her anger in order to strengthen her attack prowess was not an easy task, and required a great deal of focus and concentration on her part.

When she COULD properly focus, she became deadly, able to launch an impressive offensive that even Ren had trouble deflecting. 

Snoke had come to watch them once, a couple of weeks back, while they were engaged in practice duels. Although he said little his thoughts betrayed him; he was quite impressed with Rey, and very pleased with Ren's apparent aptitude for being a teacher.

They finished up their training now, and began to head back towards the quarters.

"I'm still not looking forward to this thing tonight," Ren said as they walked along, reaching the inside of the building. Once inside he removed his mask, shaking out his hair.

He was going with her back to her quarters, to retrieve a book she had borrowed from him last week.

"Oh, it won't be so bad, Ren. At least you don't have to wear a dress."

"True. I bet you'll be really pretty in yours, though."

Rey blushed, looking down. "I doubt that. But I bet you'll look really handsome in your 'formal' robes."

"I REALLY doubt that," he laughed as they walked the halls. "I feel like I'm too plain, no matter what I wear. And it doesn't help that Snoke said that I can't wear my mask!"

They had reached the doors of Rey's quarters, and she let them in, flipping on the lights.

"Well, why not do something different with your hair?"

"What's wrong with my hair?", he asked, reaching up to touch it.

"Nothing. But you could do something different, Ren. Something new. Why don't--you let me try something?"

"Like what?", he asked suspiciously. "Cut it off?"

"No, Ren. Just trust me, okay?"

She went into the Refresher and brought out a small comb and an ivory bristled hairbrush. She sat down in a chair and tapped the floor with her foot.

"Come on; sit down."

He hesitated, then went to sit on the floor between her legs, unable to help feeling slightly awkward. He was careful not to touch the slender legs that were spread on either side of him.

He closed his eyes, leaning slightly into the touch of her hands as they skillfully moved through his hair. It created a pleasant sensation, one that made him feel very relaxed, and a bit drowsy.

A long time ago, in another life, Ben Solo had gotten his hair styled like this quite often, by his mother. He would lean back against her warm body and close his eyes, much like he was doing now.

She would hum while she worked, or talk to him about her day. He would listen, but he would be listening more to the sound of her voice than the actual words, enjoying the even tone, the pitch. 

The way her sweet low voice would caress some words and give new life to others. 

Listening to her was like hearing birds call out to each other at sunset; like the gentle beating of spring rain against the windowpane.

"What's wrong?", Rey asked from behind him, sounding startled.

Ren opened his eyes and was alarmed to find a significant amount of moisture on his cheeks, that his eyes stung and his breathing had taken on a slightly uneven hitch.

"It's nothing", he said gruffly, using his sleeve to hastily wipe at his streaming face.

"Am I hurting you? Are the braids too tight?", she asked worriedly.

"I'm FINE!", he snapped at her, causing her to flinch backwards, taking her hands away from his head.

There was a beat of silence before he sighed, saying in a low voice "Really, I'm fine. I'm, uh, I didn't mean to yell. Please keep braiding?"

"I'm actually done," Rey said after a moment. She got to her feet and went into the refresher, bringing back a small mirror. "Here, see for yourself."

Ren took the mirror and looked at his hair, turning his head this way and that. She had divided his hair into a handful of small sections. Each section was intricately braided from the root to the middle, and the rest was left loose and flowing. She had pulled the sections together into a ponytail with a piece of rawhide. His newly exposed jawline and cheekbones took on a more chiseled, muscular look with the absence of hair.

"This is--really good, Rey. Really, really good. Thank you."

"It's no problem. I'm glad you like it; I only wish my own hair was like yours."

"There's nothing wrong with yours, you know," he says quietly, looking at her. "If I was going to get poetic about it, I'd say it's like a mahogany waterfall."

She laughed, blushing a little as she took the mirror back from him and returned it to the refresher. "It's just as plain and dull as anything," she said as she reentered the room. "Kind of like me."

Ren frowned, getting to his feet and standing up beside her. "I don't know why you say that. There's not a single thing about you that's 'dull'. You're smart, talented, and exceptionally pretty. It's no wonder General Hux is breaking the bank sending you so many flowers."

She frowned, folding her arms across her chest. "I really wish he wouldn't do that. It's quite uncomfortable for me."

"Whys that?"

"Well, first of all, he has no real feelings for me, as a woman or as a person. He looks at me as a challenge, as something to conquer. He lives for challenges. The more I resist him the harder he pursues. Does he know that we can read minds? Because if he did he'd be a lot more careful of what he thought around me."

"He knows," Ren answered, "But he thinks we only use that in regards to prisoner interrogations, or on each other and Snoke. Funny, that a man so meticulous about everything else can be so shortsighted on this very obvious matter."

Rey nodded in agreement.

"He's going to expect me to dance with him tonight, for at least a song or two. I really don't want to. Besides the obvious dislike, I can't dance."

"You can't dance? Really? For someone as nimble on their feet as you are, that's surprising."

"Really not a lot of opportunities for it on Jakku."

"Rey, one day, you're going to thank your lucky stars that you landed yourself such a versatile teacher."

He reached out and swiftly pulled her into his arms, positioning his hands on her wrist and her waist.

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to teach you how to dance," he said calmly, grinning.

"Here?"

"Yes, here; unless you want to go out in the hallway and have the storm troopers watch us."

She made a face at that. "Fine. Teach on."

Very slowly, he swayed with her around the room, lightly, showing her how to move her body in time with his, where to place her feet.

She was embarrassed at first, feeling utterly ridiculous. Eventually she relaxed and began to enjoy their little play-dancing, laughing as he spun her around and around the room to an imaginary song he was humming out loud for her.

They stopped by the window, laughing and panting. 

"That was--fun," she said breathlessly, smiling up at him.

He looked at her smiling face, and suddenly something in him sparked, like turning on a bright light in a dark room.

Still holding her by the waist, he pulled her towards him and planted a kiss on her unsuspecting lips.

She stiffened in his arms, giving a surprised little gasp when he released her. 

They stood looking at each other for a long time, before Rey moved from beside him and walked to her front door, pulling it open.

"I have to get ready now. I'll see you later tonight, Ren."

Ren stood still for a moment, frozen into place. Then he nodded as he forced his legs to carry him towards the door. Once he was in the hall she closed it behind him, gently, without another word.

"I'm sorry.", he whispered to her closed door, before turning and heading down the hall towards his own quarters.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Good evening, Lord Tethda. I would like to introduce you to my pupil, and the newest addition to the First Order: Rey."

It was the hundredth time he had made this little speech, introducing Rey to the numerous people that filled the room.

Dinner had ended and everyone was enjoying themselves in the large, lightly lit ballroom. Dresses swirled and boots clicked to the music. People laughed and chatted over the wine and the punch.

Many were curious about the spritely newcomer, who stood silently next to Lord Ren. In particular the men found her quite pleasing to look at, and many were staring unabashedly at her.

Ren couldn't blame them.  
She looked gorgeous.

She had taken his and gotten herself a dress with a hood on the back. 

The dress was made of a soft silky material, hugging her tightly around her too and flowing out in a graceful cascade from her waist down. It was black, with tiny jade jewels sewn along the collar. 

The hood was a plush velvet, an interesting green-brown that perfectly matched the hazel of her eyes. 

Her arms were bare, and for the first time Ren noticed the golden splash of freckles situated around her slender rounded shoulders. 

Her hair had been brushed until it shone, glowing under the lights. Free from its usual ties it hung clear down her back, gently swaying with each movement she made.

She had been largely silent towards Ren since they had arrived at dinner, sitting together next to Supreme Leader Snoke. She answered all his conversational gambits with brief or one worded responses until he eventually gave up trying to speak with her.

He couldn't even read her thoughts, as she had put up a fairly thick mental shield that she had never used in his presence before.

She was polite to the many guests that she was introduced to, but otherwise remained still and silent, seemingly preoccupied with something.

"Would you like to dance?"

The voice came from behind them, and both turned, looking.

It was, of course, General Hux. 

Smiling that charming smile of his and standing in front of Rey, eyes boring into her. He shifted his gaze to Ren with a suspicious look, before adding "Unless, of course, you were about to dance with Lord Ren, here."

Ren glared at him, eyes blazing. Before he could say something, Rey was saying "Yes," to Hux, a tiny smile on her face.

"Excellent", he said, smirking at Ren as he took her hand and led her onto the dance floor.

Ren watched them for a few moments, seething inside. He watched as Hux tightened his grip on hercwaist; as he pulled her in closer and closer to him. Rey wasn't responding to him but she didn't resist either.

Ren was a fraction of a second away from using the Force to choke Hux when a voice to the side of him made him pause.

"Dance with me?"

He turned, the scowl on his face quickly disappearing when he saw who it was.

It was Gwen, better known to everyone as Captain Phasma.

She was by far one of the most skilled tactical officers in The First Order. She had a mind like a steel trap and reflexes worthy of a Jedi.

Outside of a professional capacity, however, she was shy, and very reserved. An event like this made her just as uncomfortable as it did Ren, although she did a better job of hiding that discomfort.

She was as tall as he was, but very slender, with pale skin and white-blonde hair that she kept in a short crop just above her ears. Her icy blue eyes were looking at him now, waiting for his reply.

"Sure," he smiled softly at her, taking her hand and moving to the dance floor.

They chatted about light, innocuous matters as they danced, centering the conversation around how much they both despised the event in and of itself.

As they danced, Ren couldn't help but notice Hux and Rey across the room, how close Hux was holding her. He couldn't hear what he was saying from here, but could see his lips moving rapidly as he talked to her, although he received only nods in response.

Captain Phasma noticed him watching, and smiled to herself. Using her surprising strength, she switched positions with Ren and took the lead, boldly dancing him across the room and right beside Hux and Rey, just as the song was ending.

Giving Ren's hand a subtle squeeze, she dropped it before turning and approaching the General, a wide smile on her face.

"Dance with me, General?"

"S-sure?", he stuttered, looking confused as she grabbed his hands and forcefully spun him in the opposite direction, leaving Ren standing alone with Rey.

Thank you, Phasma, Ren thought to himself, grinning.

"Would you--dance with me?", he asked Rey timidly, holding out his hand.

She looked at it, then at him; then she gave him a smile and placed her hand in his, letting him twirl her away under the lights.

He hesitantly pulled her close into him, watching her to gauge her reaction. Instead of holding back, like she had done with the General, she leaned comfortably into his touch, sighing a little.

After a few minutes of this he bent down and asked her "Do you want to go out on the balcony? Get some fresh air?"

She nodded, so he took her hand and guided her across the room to the open balcony doors, shielding her from being jostled by the others.

He let go of her ha d once they got outdoors, and she pulled away, going to stand at the silver railing.

The sky was dark and flooded with stars, the moon a wispy crescent in the west.

He walked up and stood beside her, not saying anything for a while. Finally he got up his nerve and said, looking directly at her,

"I'm sorry."

She turned to face him, looking in his eyes.

"I shouldn't have done what I did. It was wrong, and it was rude."

Still she said nothing, only looking at him. He forged on, wincing as he said,

"It's just that--you're very pretty, Rey. But it's not just that you're pretty; it's that I like you as a person. I don't think I've ever really liked anyone before. But I like you."

He shook his head at how stupid his words sounded to his own ears.

"Or maybe I'm getting it wrong," he mumbled to himself, turning away from her. "I feel like I'm not getting at what I really mean, here."

She remained silent, and Ren was about to turn and leave, feeling that he had embarrassed himself quite enough, when her soft voice startled him.

"That was my first kiss."

He smiled down at her, gently taking her tiny hands into his own.

"It was mine, too."

Glancing at the glass doors they had come through, he spotted General Hux inside, dancing with one of the visiting ladies but watching them closely, a frown on his face."

"Hux is watching us," he chuckled, still holding her hands.

"Then--let's give him something to see," Rey said, pulling down on his hands until his face was right next to hers. 

She kissed him, closing her eyes, her tiny curvy lips pressing into his rough, full ones. She let go of his hands and reached up to twine her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible into her soft warm body.

He wrapped his own hands around her waist and squeezed, lifting her off her feet in a tender embrace.

When they pulled apart, smiling at each other, Ren found that he couldn't think about General Hux.

Or Captain Phasma.  
Or Snoke.

Or any of the numerous guests dancing and drinking in the brightly lit room behind them.

All he could think about was her.

Her warm body. Her tiny lips. Her flowery scent. The way her silky hair felt against his face. How easily his arms went around her waist. The way her smile crinkled up the corners of her eyes.

Everything, and a dozen more things he couldn't fully articulate to himself.

But maybe there was no need for words, no need for thoughts or explanations or apologies.

Maybe it was just enough to stand out here, under a dark sky, and feel her small arms wrapped around him.

For now.

Maybe.


	5. Chapter 5

"Lord Ren! I've been expecting you." 

Supreme Leader Snoke greeted him warmly from where he sat on his chair.

He had called Ren into his private chambers to speak with him on something important. Ren wasn't sure what it was, exactly, but was curious to find out.

He walked across the marble walkway towards Snoke's chair, dropping to his knee and lowering his head in a reverent bow.

"I am here, my Master."

"Rise, my friend, rise and come stand by me."

Ren rise and made his way to Snoke, taking note of the many folded papers and maps laying across his lap.

"I have good news, Ren. Look at this, tell me what you see."

Snoke handed him a highly detailed map of some type of planet. Ren looked it over before replying "Is this Tattoine?"

"It is. We've brokered a deal with the Hutt family that allows us control of half the trading posts on the planet."

"That's wonderful, my Master," Ren answered, handing back the map.

"I'm sending General Hux and a squadron of storm troopers and engineers there right away to get to work on building a base. It'll be small but it'll be efficient in handling our finances."

"That's a good idea, Master. But why the stormtroopers? Wouldn't Hux and the engineers be sufficient enough?"

"I'd like to think that, but no, that's not the case. While the Hutts have been agreeable there are many independent traders and outpost operators who may not like The First Order taking over an area that's been run by the Huttease for so long. The storm troopers are for protection during the construction and diplomatic processes."

"I also wish to send with them an experienced force user, Ren. The storm troopers can provide basic protection, but I want someone going along who can also intuit feelings and energy from the people, to be able to warn if or when an attack may be imminent."

Ren sighed internally. He knew what Snoke was getting at, and it didn't thrill him in the least. Spending any amount of time alone with General Hux was apt to be an unpleasant experience, especially with the latter still angry that Ren had stolen what he had perceived to be HIS romantic conquest.

Ren didn't view Rey as a "conquest", though.

The two spent so much time together that they were nearly inseparable. When they weren't engaged in training sessions they could be found at one or the others quarters, watching holofilms, teasing and kissing and wrestling far into the night.

They had yet to engage in that other realm of physical activity, but it didn't matter a whole lot to either of them.

Romance aside, both of them were nearly ecstatic that they had found the friendship, the belonging that they had both been missing for most of their lives.

But Ren had been noticing, lately, a peculiar side effect to their being together.

The more time he spent with her, the harder it was for him to be away from her. Whether it was 30 minutes or 5 hours, if he wasn't in her presence, he found himself craving it, the way a junkie will crave his fix.

Just being near her put him at ease, quelled the raging torrent that his mind often became, smoothed down his troubled heart.

He wasn't quite sure of the effect he had on her, but she seemed very happy, and contented to be with him.

Which was another reason, now, that he dreaded being sent away on a mission with Hux. Building a base was apt to take a long time, and he didn't really want to be away from Rey that long.

Still, the sooner he left, the sooner he could come back. He resigned himself to his fate and asked "So how long will we be away?"

"About 5 months, more or less. Hux has to make sure that the money system changes hands properly before anyone leaves, and that the new system is implemented smoothly."

"Wait," Snoke paused, glancing at him. Did you say 'we'?"

"Yes. We. Isn't that what you called me for? To tell me to prepare to leave?"

"No, my young apprentice. I'm sending Rey along with him."

"Rey?", he asked, the color draining from his face. "Why her? I mean surely if the situation is dangerous, you would want to send your more experienced force user along with the General?"

The Supreme Leader smiled in that insipid way of his.

"Lord Ren, give yourself some credit," he said, patting his back. "You have trained this girl exceptionally well. I have no doubt in her ability to handle herself."

"Yes, but . . . "

"But what, Ren?", Snoke asked him, frowning.

"Nothing, Master."

What could he possibly say to dissuade him, without confessing that he didn't want her to leave because of his feelings for her?

As if reading his thoughts (which he probably WAS), Snoke said to him in a quiet voice,

"I am not blind, Lord Ren. Nor have my other senses diminished so much as to be unaware of the feelings you both harbor for one another."

When Ren made no reply, he continued on,

"You realize, of course, that this sort of thing weakens you? Takes away the focus of your energy?"

"Yes, my Master," said Ren quietly, casting his eyes downward.

"It is merely proximity, my young apprentice. Nothing more. I'm confident that once you've had some distance, and time, between you, your passion will inevitably cool. Things will go back to the way they were."

Yes, my Master," he nodded, although he didn't agree in the least. 

Sensing his discontent, Snoke placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing Ren to look at him. 

"You may not see it now, Lord Ren, but in time you will. And you'll thank me for it."

"When--when do they leave?", Ren asked him, struggling to keep his voice firm and his posture straight.

"They leave at first light tomorrow morning," he said, glancing at Ren's face. She's already been informed earlier."

"Now, you may go, Lord Ren."

"Yes, Supreme Leader," he replied, bowing before turning and walking out of the room and down to his quarters.

He wanted very badly to go to Rey's rooms, where he knew she would probably be packing and preparing for her trip, but he couldn't.

He wanted to get himself under some semblance of control first.

Walking along, lost in thought, he all but colllided with Hux as he turned the corner.

Hux smirked at him before saying in his annoying voice "Lord Ren, I must say that I'm disappointed you won't be coming with me to establish this new base. I'm sure your counterpart will make an adequate substitute, though. You don't have to worry, I'll take good care of her."

Ren nodded and would have continued on his way, except the General's thoughts hit him, loudly, filling his mind with all kinds of pictures and imagery regarding Rey. 

He understood what Hux meant by "taking care of her", all right.

He was only a few inches taller than Hux but he nonetheless towered over him, his anger making him seem larger than he was, and stronger.

"Let me tell you something, General," he said quietly, backing him into a corner. "If I hear so much as a single word about you making any kind of inappropriate advances towards Rey, anything at all--I will kill you."

He said the last part slowly, savagely, emphasizing each syllable.

"Ren, you're being ridic--"

Ren's hand flew to his lightsaber and he pulled it out, lighting it and holding it inches from Hux's throat. The other man flinched backwards, eyes wide, afraid to make a move lest he be killed.

"One word. That's all it'll take. One word and they'll be pulling bits of your slashed-up body out of the ventilation ducts for years."

"Do we have an understanding?"

"Y-yes. Of course," Hux replied, staring into the fiery red blade pointed directly into his face.

"Good."

Ren pulled back his saber and shut it off, before turning and continuing down the hallway without another word.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

About an hour and a half later Rey came to his quarters, finding Kylo sitting on the floor beside his couch, staring into space.

"Kylo? What's wrong?" she asked, coming to sit on the sofa behind him. She wrapped her legs around his chest and put her arms around his shoulders.

"Nothing. I was trying to meditate but, I don't know, I can't really seem to focus tonight."

"I know the feeling," she said, squeezing him tightly. 

There was a beat of silence before she said, somewhat awkwardly, "So I guess you've heard by now that they're sending me with the General on that mission to Tattoine."

"I've heard," he said quietly, leaning back into her embrace. "This'll be good for you, you know. A chance to see some different places, explore a bit."

"Different places?", she scoffed, shaking her head. "Tattoine is a desert planet, isn't it? It'll be just like going back to Jakku."

"Well, then, it'll be like a sort of homecoming for you, won't it?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said, leaning down to lay her head on his shoulder. "I've been thinking lately that "home" has very little to do with places, and everything to do with people. You're--my home, Kylo."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. 

"The property value of this place is quite low, actually. It might benefit you to look into better properties."

She pulled away and frowned, taking her arms from around his shoulders.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, Rey," he shrugged. "You know Snoke thinks that the time apart will do us good. That maybe this, whatever THIS is, will fade out given the right amount of time and space away from each other."

Rey sat silently, contemplating his words.

"He--he knows about us?"

"In a way. He knows that there's 'feelings' between us. He doesn't exactly approve."

She was silent for so long that he turned around, raising to his knees to face her.

Tears were rolling down her cheeks, slowly, the glistening wet standing out against her pale skin.

"I knew it. I knew from the start that I wasn't good enough for you, that no one would approve of this. Not even you, apparently."

"I never said--"

"Why does it sound so much like you're trying to break it off with me before I leave, then? No wait, don't answer that, I know why. Because you're a dark Lord of the First Order and I'm nothing but a lowly scavenger that you taught to use a lightsaber."

The tears were coming harder now, but she kept on, holding his gaze.

"Five months is a long time to be away, I guess. I couldn't expect you to wait that long for me to come back. I--"

He stopped her words with a kiss, and then another one, tasting the tears that pooled into her lips and doing nothing to hold back his own.

"I'd wait for you forever, if I had to, Rey. I just don't know how I'm going to bear the next five months without you."

They embraced each other tightly, shakily, their tears eventually quieting down into nothingness.

He pulled back and looked at her, giving her a watery smile. 

"I'm sorry," he said, touching her face. "Im just not so good at facing my pain."

"Neither am I. So how about we make a deal? No more pain, no more tears, for the rest of the night. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Snoke said that I'm leaving early in the morning, right?"

"Right."

"So we don't have that much time left to spend with each other."

"No. We don't. About 10 hours, in fact."

"Then we'd better make the most of them," she murmured, cupping his face in her hands and pulling him into a deep kiss.

He felt passion rise up in him, strong, overwhelming, making his lips greedy and his hands clumsy as he fumbled with her clothing.

She responded to his intensity, her senses opening up like a flower to his urgency, desire closing over her like a tide and burying her in its wave.

Still kissing her, he picked her up and carried her into his bedroom, closing the door behind them.

~*~*~*~

He watched her sleep, his eyes taking in the contours of her face, the angles and planes of her body. 

Lightly, so as not to wake her, he traced his finger along the curve of her spine, and trailed across softness of her lips.

Distance, and time.

That was all Snoke said it would take to get this woman out of his system.

Distance. And time.

He wasn't sure if that was true or not. He wasn't sure if that was something he wanted, or not. 

As it was, it seemed impossible for things to go back to the way they were. 

If Snoke was right, and things would change between them, he needed to capture this moment in his mind. Something to hold on to on days when he believed in nothing at all, not even himself. When the world seemed cold and his loneliness threatened to eat him alive.

He set to work memorizing her, every single part of her. His eyes roamed and caressed her smooth, bare skin, her dark hair. He memorized what her heart sounded like she lay peaceful and dreaming. 

He memorized the graceful arc of her neck, and leaned in to softly kiss it, being careful not to wake her. 

Most of all he tried to memorize the feeling he had right now, laying here with her.

Rey, he thought to himself. I don't know if I can let you leave. I don't know if I'm strong enough. I know you'll come back eventually, but what if Snoke is right? What if you come back and you don't feel the same way? What if I don't feel the same?

I don't know if I've ever loved anyone in my life, other than my mother. I think--I think I love you. And I don't want that to change. 

Please, please, don't change.

He glanced at the clock and sighed.

4am. 

In two hours she would have to get up and return to her quarters. She would have to get her bags and board a ship with General Hux and a legion of storm troopers.

She would have to walk away from him, and not look back.

And there was a chance that, once she returned, she would never "look back" at him again.

He didn't bother trying to sleep, as he knew his thoughts would make it impossible for him right now.

So instead he just scooted closer and wrapped her still form in his arms, burying his face in her hair. 

He matched the rhythm of his breathing to her own, their chests moving in and out together, as he fought desperately to hold back the coming dawn, and the dreadful sunrise.


	6. Chapter 6

[[ Kylo,

Do you know what the great thing about sand is? . . . no, really, I'm asking: what's great about sand?

Being here has made me both homesick, and sick to my stomach. I'm not sure how I survived so many years living on Jakku; I'd forgotten how lonely the desert can be, how wide and vast and seemingly unending.

I think it's safe to say I'm the only one here whose body is adequately pre-adapted to live in this heat. The men who are working on the new building are allowed to wear as little clothing as possible. The same cannot be said for the poor storm troopers. 

Hux has them running drills 3 times a day, in full sunlight, in full uniform. There are at least 5 every day who pass out from heat stroke, and a bunch more who suffer from hives, rashes, and the like.

The medical droids are kept more than busy. When I'm not engaged elsewhere I try to help them, but honestly there's not a whole lot I can do. 

The General looks particularly funny; his skin has gone a semi permanent shade of tomato red yet he refuses to ease up on the drills, or his constant marching around in full dress black uniform. 

If he were to become incapacitated, would that mean that I would be in charge? An interesting path to explore, and one I'll have to look into fairly soon as his grating voice is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Other than the heat, everything seems to be going well here. We've been approached by quite a few locals who've been curious about our presence here, but most are friendly.

Met two members of the Hutt family, Punkta and Tremis, although to be completely honest I wasn't able to tell if they were male or female. 

We had a translator present and they conversed with General Hux and myself for the better part of an afternoon, watching them  
work on the new building. 

One of them had the translator tell me that the last time he had known of a Jedi was hearing stories of how his (her?) Great-Uncle Jabba had been killed by one, and his friends. 

From what you've told me before, I think he (she?) was referring to your mother, father and Uncle. 

Small world, isn't it? 

Anyway I told him I'm not a Jedi, I'm a force user. He (she?) actually rolled their eyes at that, but didn't say anything else.

I've been practicing my meditations daily, and I've found a small area in the outskirts of camp where I can practice my physical and lightsaber training. 

Wherever I go, Hux makes me take at least 2 storm trooper guards with me, for "protection". 

Which is a little absurd. 

Isn't "protection" what I'M here for, and not the other way around? 

But it's easier to comply with the General than to try and figure out his logic.

Kylo, I miss you.

I try to avoid saying that until the very end of every message I send you, because if I were to start with that, there would be no room for anything else.

I'm trying to remain positive, and cheerful, here, but it's difficult. 

Sometimes I lay awake for hours just thinking about your face. 

And every morning I wake up and say a silent prayer to the Maker, or whoever is listening, that today is not "the" day. 

"The" day your feelings for me will run as dry as the desert I'm standing on, "the" day when Snoke's words will come true and you'll have gotten me out of your system.

I hope that your feelings haven't changed, because mine haven't.

I keep telling myself that the days will pass quickly and soon I'll be back with you.

I'm sorry for this message being so long. But I look forward to reading your reply.

I miss you.  
I love you.

-Rey ]]

-.-.-.-.-.-

Kylo read and re-read the message to on his datapad, sighing to himself.

It had been 6 weeks since Rey and Hux had left to Tattoine, and each day without her seemed longer than the one before it.

The communication signal on Tattoine was very weak, and therefore almost all resources went towards General Hux sending back his bi-weekly messages to Snoke reporting on the progress in the establishing of the new base. 

Rey was able to send Kylo a datapad letter once a week, but no more than that. She usually chose the end of the week to do so, and Kylo eagerly awaited the correspondence from her. 

Being able to hear from her so little made him nervous, although he said nothing of this in his replies to her. He assumed that if anything really bad happened to her, Hux would send a message to Snoke about it beforehand. 

When he wasn't waiting to hear from her, he went about his days with a kind of mechanical hopelessness. He ate, he slept, he went on short missions for Snoke. He meditated and physically trained daily.

Yet he felt like he was just going through the motions, not really feeling anything and allowing nothing to break through the cold mental shield he had placed around himself.

In order to keep his mind occupied, he began to take more of an interest in the troops. He often stood out on the platform above the drill grounds and watched them going through their training exercises, amusing himself by picking out the many thoughts coming from the crowd.

In doing so, little by little he began to form a friendship of sorts with Captain Phasma, who had been given charge over Hux's tactical and training commands until he returned.

They would watch the troops and the section leaders giving orders, and Phasma would tirelessly tell him about all that they were doing, and why.

Ren was grateful for the distraction, and grateful that he had found someone to talk to who could ease his daytime loneliness a little.

Nights were nearly unbearable, though. No matter how active he had been during the day, no matter how tired, he would lay his head on his pillow and his mind would go racing and swirling.

He remained squinched on a single side of the bed, because he didn't want to lay in the place that Rey had been, the night before she had left. If he breathed in deep it still smelled like her, a teeny bit, and it gave him some small comfort.

One time he had even gone to her quarters, intending to stay the night there. 

Ten minutes in and he had to leave again. 

The place was so full of her, of her presence and her scent and her energy, that it was almost physically painful for him to be around it.

He felt a little alarmed, at his need for her, his desire. 

And he thought that she would laugh, surely, if she could see how pathetically he was coping without her. 

You need to get a hold of yourself, Ren, he thought to himself. Only 14 more weeks and she'll be home again. Just 14. That's about 98 days, less than 100. You'll be fine, you'll survive. But seriously, get a grip on yourself.

He turned his datapad back on, taping his fingers along the side of the screen as he thought out his reply.

[[ Rey,

That IS a weird coincidence about the whole Jabba thing. Technically it wasn't a Jedi who killed him; it was my mother. She strangled him with her sex slave chains. 

Yes I'm aware of how awful that sounds. 

I always assumed that I inherited my dark side energy solely from my grandfather, but I'd wager that a hefty chunk of it actually came from my mother. 

The anger part, at least.

I'm glad that the people you've met have been friendly, for the most part. I'm sure I don't have to remind you to always keep a mental ear listening to the thoughts and feelings of these people, though, do I? 

People can change their thoughts or their motives so quickly, it's good to stay on top of things like that. I highly doubt the General would be able to pick up on anything significant until it was too late to do anything about it.

It doesn't surprise me that Hux is too stubborn to see the foolishness of full-uniform drills on a planet with two suns. 

I'm sure if you wanted to "incapacitate" him and take over, no one would mind so much. I'm  
sure you'd run things with more common sense than him.

Things back here certainly have been more peaceful, for the troops, anyway, with Hux gone. Phasma is so different from him in her leadership style that it's amazing. 

I've been going about my meditations and training, as well, although I find it hard to concentrate without you beside me. 

I'm so used to you sitting next to me when I meditate, or when you're sparring with me in the field that I can't properly focus when I'm on my own. 

Rey, I miss you, too.

More than you realize.

It's an odd sensation because I know you're gone, but a part of me feels like you're with me all the time. It's like being pulled in two directions at once, or trying to fool your eyes into seeing something that's not really there.

My feelings for you haven't changed, my love. 

Snoke is a fool if he really thought that separating us would rid my soul of its need for you, of its hunger.

I, too, tell myself that time will go quickly and before I know it the day will come when I'm holding you again. 

My arms feel cold without you in them. My bed feels cold without you laying in it.

Kriff, my LIFE feels cold when you're not here.

You have no idea how much I look forward to hearing from you each week, my dear. 

I read your words and I can hear you saying them in my head, and that puts a smile on my face. I miss the sound of your voice.

I miss everything about you.

I love you, Rey.  
I love you.

-Kylo ]]


	7. Chapter 7

"Do you have a moment?"

General Hux was standing in the doorway of her tent, arms folded across his chest. 

It was early, and the sky was a gorgeous shade of pale-blue, the last of the stars slowly fading back into the night.

The days work had not yet begun on the building, and it was blessedly quiet, save for the distant singing of the birds and the wind picking its way around the sand dunes.

The suns were still sitting low in the sky, not yet unleashing the inevitable unpleasant heat of the day.

She was awake, as she often was at this time, and engaging in meditation. She found it slightly easier to get through the day when she spent some part of her morning centering her mind, first.

Hux knew she did this, and knew that she would most likely be awake, which is why he didn't feel bad about coming to see her so early.

He had offered her, in the beginning, a room situated aboard the ship, such as he and his engineers had. 

Yet she preferred to set up a tent outside like the rest of the storm troopers, preferring the open, airy space to the cold, trapped-in feeling of the ship.

"What is it, General?"

"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to have breakfast with me this lovely morning?"

She rolled her eyes. "Breakfast? You know that I rarely eat breakfast, don't you, General?"

"I know," he said, coming further into her tent. I think that's most unhealthy, considering all the physical activity you do throughout the day."

She looked at him, but remained silent. 

For the most part on this ship, they had had very little personal interaction with each other. They were together when meeting locals or members of the Hutt family, and on occasion she oversaw his troops' drills. 

She also kept him informed daily of what she picked up from the minds of those they encountered, and offered her opinion on various construction and economic matters in regards to the rapidly forming base.

But other than the most necessary professional contact, she remained distanced from him, and he from her.

She wasn't exactly sure why it was, but she had sensed a slight change in his thoughts regarding her.

His memory constantly brought up this one image of a red glowing light being held to his neck.

She'd have to ask Ren about that one, later.

She listened to his thoughts now, and was surprised to see that there was no ulterior motive to his asking her to eat breakfast with him.

He was genuinely just lonely, and wanted some company.

"Alright," she relented, sighing a little. "Let me change my clothes first and I'll join you in a few minutes."

"Excellent." He smiled at her, turning to leave. "I'll be in the 'mess hall'; no one else is awake yet so it'll be like our own private dining hall. Fun, right?"

"Very."

When she arrived at the ''mess hall' (which was really just a curtained-off area with long tables and 3 crude stoves), she was surprised to find the General at one of the ovens, an apron tied around his waist, bending over a pan of something.

She walked in quietly and sat at the table nearest him, watching. He must have sensed her behind because he turned around, smiling at her.

"I wasn't aware you knew how to cook, General."

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm a gourmet chef, but I can handle the basics pretty well. Like eggs and bantha bacon."

She nodded, and he turned back towards the stove, flipping something over in the pan. With his back still to her, he said,

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you ever call me Hux? Not General Hux, but just Hux? It's not like we're still strangers, or anything."

"No, you're right, we're not strangers. But still. That seems a little inappropriate, to call someone with your rank by his name rather than his title."

"Ren does it all the time."

"Ren and I are different people, though, aren't we?"

"Very different," he said, as he dished up two plates of food and brought them to the table, setting one in front of her.

They ate quietly for a little while, Rey pleasantly surprised that his cooking was actually good.

She looked up at him thoughtfully. 

When you got him away from everyone else, when it was early and quiet and he wasn't shouting commands or stalking around his troops, he was actually--decent.

A question occurred to her, and she blurted it out before she had a chance to think about it.

"What's your first name?"

"Excuse me?", he asked, looking up, the tips of his ears reddening for some reason.

"Your first name. I don't think I've ever heard it before. I tried to ask Ren about it once, back when I first came here, but all he would say is that you don't like it much."

"I don't," he mumbled, taking a sip of water. "But since you ask, it's Armitage."

"Armitage?", she asked, carefully pronouncing the word. "That's -- unique. Kind of regal-like. Why don't you like it?"

He shrugged, picking at the food on his plate. 

"I just don't. It's my father's name. I--don't really care for my father. Never did. So I prefer to go by Hux."

"I guess that's understandable. But hey, at least you HAVE a last name to go by. And you know who your father IS, even if you don't like him."

Hux looked at her, frowning a little. "You don't have a last name?"

"No. Not one that I know of, anyway. Whoever my family was left me on Jakku when I was very young. 'Rey' is the only name I've ever known."

"That's--awful," he said, his expression softening towards her. 

She shrugged, getting up and taking both of their empty plates to the makeshift sink, turning on the water and beginning to rinse them.

She said, over her shoulder to Hux,

"The only way I'd get a last name now is if I made one up. Or--if someone gave me theirs."

"Someone like--Kylo?" He asked her, smirking as he came and leaned against the stove next to her.

She blushed, taking her time to slowly dry the plates. "That's a thought," she said quietly, not looking at him. "Although I've got to say that "Rey Ren" sounds a bit ridiculous."

"A little. It'd be better if he gave you his REAL last name. Solo. Personally I never saw why he didn't just keep his own name to begin with. I mean, he could still be a dark sider and call himself Obi-Wan Solo, instead of Kylo Ren, couldn't he?"

"Obi-Wan?", she asked, confused.

"Yes, Obi-Wan. His parents named him after his uncle Luke's mentor, the revered Jedi knight Obi-Wan Kenobi. They always called him 'Ben' for short, though."

"I never knew that," she said quietly, turning to face him. 

"I'd wager that there's a lot of things you don't know about Kylo."

Before she could reply, he was walking towards their table and picking up his great coat from where it was neatly folded. 

"Well, I think I'd better be going now. The troops will be in here soon, and then it's off to another exciting day of marching and brick laying."

He came up to her, timidly putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you for eating with me. I really enjoy your company."

He leaned in and gave her a warm, lingering peck on the cheek.

"I'll see you later," he said, as he turned and strode from the room without another word.

"See you later--Hux," she called softly after him, watching him walk away.

She scanned his thoughts as he left, trying to see if he was just trying to subtly pull her to his side or make a romantic conquest of her, again; but there was--nothing. Nothing of malice, nothing of hidden intent or secret motives.

Just an overwhelming loneliness that pushed against all sides of his skin, trying to get out, begging for some kind of release.

-.-.-.-.-.-

[[ Kylo,

Construction is moving along faster than expected on the new base. 

It's rumored that if the work keeps progressing at the level it is, and the General can swiftly set up all the financial nuances of this base, then we could be coming home a few weeks earlier than scheduled.

Can you imagine that?

I don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help it. 

It would be that much sooner that I'm back in your arms, that much sooner that I'm laying beside you at night, listening to your heart beat.

At any rate, at maximum it is only 8 more weeks of being here. Just 8.

It's funny how one can say "just" in regards to time, isn't it? 

"Just" 8 weeks can seem like a short time span to some, or a lifetime to others. I try to be optimistic and go with the "just", but it's hard.

It's hard because it's been "just" 12 weeks since we've been apart, and that to me DOES seem like a lifetime. 

I keep thinking that I should have stolen one of your robes, and taken it with me here. It wouldn't compare to being held in your arms, of course, but to be wrapped in something that was LIKE you might help me sleep a little better at night.

As it is, my insomnia has gotten worse than ever. And the sleep I do get is filled with bad dreams. I don't know if it's the environment or my own loneliness playing tricks on me. 

But a few nights ago I woke up before dawn absolutely convinced that I was 6 years old again, and back on Jakku. 

Totally on my own, no family or friends to speak of. 

And--don't laugh--but I actually started to cry, thinking that I had been abandoned again, that no one would ever find me, knowing that no one was even LOOKING for me.

I don't know. 

It's strange, sometimes, the things that go on in my head.

Physically, I haven't felt very good these past few weeks, either. 

I think I've caught some kind of cold or flu virus.

I don't have much of an appetite anymore and when I do eat, it's like nothing tastes good anymore.

I don't know if it's the heat or a side effect from bad nighttime sleep but it's like I'm always tired, always ready for a nap. 

My head aches a lot and I often feel dizzy if I move too quickly. Which is wonderful, I guess, that I'm so talented as to be able to pick up a cold in the desert. 

I never got sick on Jakku and now suddenly all the viruses are working together to take me down.

But I don't mean to make you worry, here. I'm sure it's nothing, just the mental stress of being apart from you combined with poor sleep and severe boredom.

I know you probably think I'm being pathetic right now, and overly needy. 

But I can't help it, I just miss you so much.

When I get back, all I want is to lock myself into a room with you for days and days. 

Maybe we'd never leave. 

When we get hungry we'll nibble at each other, when we're thirsty we'll lap at each other's fountains. 

We'll love until our bodies are indistinguishable from one another's, until our souls merge into the same person.

Snoke wouldn't mind that, would he?

I miss you,  
I love you,

-Rey]]

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ren breathed in evenly, holding the air in his chest before expelling it, hands resting on his knees.

Phasma sat beside him, doing the same, her normally stern face carrying a very relaxed, peaceful look.

They were sitting outside in the little garden outside his training courtyard, meditating.

Captain Phasma had asked to join him, saying that she had been quite stressed out lately with her troops, and wishing to try and clear her mind before tackling another demanding day.

He had taken her into the garden with him, explaining to her how to clear out her mind, and focus her breathing.

He was skeptical at first at her level of commitment to this, but she approached it in a serious manner, seeming to gain some peace from the quiet stillness of it all.

As unworried as her face looked, Ren was still aware of a flood of bad feelings emanating out of her.

Most of it was very vague, unclear, but the thought that leapt out at him the loudest was the pervasive fear that she was not handling her command as well as the General.

He opened his eyes and looked over at her.

In the weeks that had passed since Rey had left, he had managed to form a tentative friendship with serious, quiet Captain.

Which was not to say that he regarded her in the same way he did Rey, in that concern.

Still, she was easy to talk to, and smart.

And she could even be funny in a very dry, sarcastic way, a sense of humor that more or less matched Ren's own.

"That's not true, you know," he said to her quietly, leaning slightly towards her.

"What's not true?", she asked, holding her posture and keeping her eyes closed.

"You ARE doing just as good a job of Hux. You're not failing him. Or yourself."

"I wish I could feel like that."

She sighed and opened her eyes, looking down at her hands clasped on her knees.

"You're really hard on yourself, you know that?"

"I suppose," she shrugged lightly, stretching out her arms in front of her. "But being hard on oneself is the only path towards success in life."

"Maybe. But there's nothing wrong with being nice to yourself, either. And you definitely deserve to be treated nicely."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"No. But if I wanted to make you feel better, I could tell you that a few days ago three new recruits saw you take your helmet off in the hall, and they now think they're in love with you."

"Seriously?", she blushed, a smile lighting up her face.

"Seriously. The brown-haired one has even been trying to figure out how to gather up a bunch of flowers and leave them outside your door without being caught doing it."

She laughed out loud at that, her face and neck a bright rosy pink.

Well, thanks for that, Lord Ren. That makes me feel better, actually."

"I'm glad. Im just sorry that meditation wasn't more useful to you."

"I think just having someone to talk to works better for me than anything else, actually."

"Me, too," he smiled at her, standing up. "I've got to get to my training now, though. You have fun with your troops this morning."

"I'll try. Join me for lunch later?"

"I don't know about lunch, but definitely dinner."

"Deal."

"And by the way," he said as he headed out of the gate, "Seriously, its Kylo. Just Kylo."

-.-.-.-.-.-

[[ Rey,

How are you? Are you feeling any better yet? I worry about you, you know. I know you think that it's no big deal that you're sick, but to ME, it is.

Flu or not, if it's not better in a week, I want you to go and get yourself checked out, understand? I know how stubborn you are, so if I have to I'll write to General Hux myself and force him to take you to med bay. 

By the way: I don't think I responded to this in my last letter to you, but I would LOVE it if we locked ourselves in a room for days on end once you came home. You say 'days', I say 'weeks'.

But I can't think too much about stuff like that, because then I can't think of anything else. And without you here to help me relieve some of that tension, the thoughts can be rather--hard. Which is putting it mildly.

The days are growing shorter, now, til when you can come home to me. I can't wait to see your face.

Your face is in all my dreams, already, but it's a poor substitute compared to the real thing.

Snoke has been teaching me a new form of martial arts this week. I can't wait to teach it to you; I think you'll like it. It's specially advantageous for smaller individuals such as yourself, because it focuses more on agility and flexibility than actual strength.

We have a new batch of recruitments here on base. I can't help but feel a little bad for them. Right now they're used to Phasma's rather pleasant way of running the ship, but seriously, wait until they experience the full wrath that is General Hux.

He's going to be angry, most likely, when he does return. Construction on the super-weapon has stalled considerably since he left, without him being here to drive its progress. Last week there was some mixup where the wrong parts had been ordered, and no one did anything for 3 whole days while they waited for the correct parts to arrive.

Snoke had been in a neighboring system at the time, or else he probably would have been furious as well.

Honestly I feel stupid sitting here and writing to you about super-weapons and martial arts when all I want to talk about is Us.

But I've got to keep my mind distracted, somehow. Or else I'd probably just sit in a corner and stare blankly at the walls until you returned. To be frank, there's not a whole lot holding me back from doing that NOW.

Have I said yet that I love you? Because I do.

How is it that "I love you" is probably one of the most unoriginal things that people can say to one another, yet it's the one thing we crave to hear most?

Well, unoriginal or not . . .

I love you.

I love you.

I LOVE YOU.

-Kylo ]]


	8. Chapter 8

"Ma'am my circuits indicate I advise you to rest, limit strenuous physical exertion and stress, and maintain a healthy balanced nutritional intake."

"That's very helpful," she said sarcastically, pulling her clothes back together. "What about medicine? You can get me some medicine, can't you?", she asked irritably.

She was sitting on a cold metal table in med bay, just having been examined by the medical droid. His poking and prodding had done little more than irritate her, and, even though it was only a droid, she felt awkward and uncomfortable over being examined so intimately.

Hux had insisted she come, after the second day in a row of her being unable to get out of bed for more than an hour at a time. She always felt dizzy, and was having difficulty retaining any sort of sustenance.

She had told him that she was fine, it was probably the flu, and she just needed to rest. He had gently but firmly insisted that she go, going so far as to walk her to the med bay doors himself.

"The flu doesn't last this long, Rey," he had said, his arm guiding her elbow. "If it's something serious, you need to get it taken care of. Snoke would be most displeased if I let something happen to you, not to mention Ren. I really don't fancy having my head cut off with his lightsaber as soon as I get back to base."

"Fine," she grumbled, pulling her arm out of his grip as she prepared to enter the room. "But if I'm right, and it does turn out to be the flu, I'M cutting your head off with MY saber."

"Deal.", he said, grinning. "Now get in there. I'll come by your tent and check on you later."

That had been about 45 minutes ago, and now she sat here, waiting on the droid-doctor's response as to procuring her some medicine.

"I can get you some special vitamins, ma'am. They will be most helpful in your present state. Your condition will remedy itself within approximately 25 weeks."

"25 WEEKS?! What kind of a virus do I have?," she shouted at the droid.

"Ma'am, you do not currently have a virus."

"I don't? Then what--", she began, stopping short as her breath caught in her throat.

Oh.

OH.

Oh, Maker.

It all made sense now.

The restlessness.

The fluctuating appetite. 

The queasiness. 

The dizzy headaches.

The mood swings.

The way her normally slender body seemed to be stretching out her clothes lately, the pronounced curve to her usually flat stomach.

Oh, dear Maker.

She was pregnant.

As if to confirm her thoughts, the droid continued in its mechanical voice "You are currently approximately 15 weeks along in a normal human female gestation cycle."

Stunned, unable to speak, she slowly lowered herself off the table and walked out of the room in a daze, ignoring the droids calls behind her.

Instead of returning to her tent, she stayed on the ship, wandering the hallways until she came to a little quiet area by two large windows.

She stood at the rail and looked out at the men working on the building, at the stormtroopers marching around the drill grounds, the locals who came every day to watch the construction process.

Her thoughts were all in a jumble, a confused scattered mess that she didn't have the energy to sort out.

She laid her hand on her belly, closing her eyes.

A--baby.

A small life, growing inside her. 

Part her, part Kylo.

Kylo.

What in the world was she going to say to him? And when?

She wasn't sure how he would react to this development. 

Would he be happy, at the prospect of being a father? 

Would he feel angry, feeling that Rey had somehow trapped him with a huge set of unasked-for responsibilities and pressures?

And what about Snoke?

He hadn't even liked the idea of her and Kylo being together; he surely would not approve of this.

She smiled a little to herself, sheepishly, at the absurdity of the entire situation.

What were the odd that she would become pregnant after just ONE time, having intercourse with Kylo? 

Well, no, there had actually been several times that night, before she left.

But in her mind it only counted as one single experience.

But they were both so new to the situation, and inexperienced; so driven by lust that neither had even thought of taking precautionary measures.

What would this child look like?

Would it have her hazel eyes and Kylo's dark hair? 

Would it be tall? Or short? Or somewhere in between?

Would it have its parents combined Force abilities?

Would "it" be a He, or a She? Son or Daughter? 

A name occurred to her suddenly, wrapping itself around her mind and refusing to let go.

Solo Ren.

That would be a lovely name for a son, she thought to herself. Solo Ren. Although I don't know if Kylo would really approve of that.

But what if it's a girl?

What then?

Her mind raced backwards, picking through the random conversations she had had with Kylo regarding his family, trying to recall the name he had mentioned, when referring to his grandfather's wife.

Was it--Padme? Padme Amidala?

Yes, it was. That was beautiful, the whole name in itself.

Padme Amidala Ren.

She opened her eyes, frowning to herself.

It was ridiculous to sit here and be thinking of baby names while there were so many things to be worried about, right now.

Tears sprang to her eyes, sliding slowly down her cheeks. 

Even if everything did work out, she thought, wiping her hand across her face, Even if somehow everything was okay. What the hells do I know about being a mother?

I never had one, so I have no experience with what one should be LIKE.

What if he, or she, doesn't like me? If they don't love me? What if I don't love them?

Yet even as she thought the words, she was bringing her other hand to her stomach, cradling it gently. She already loved this child. Loved it so much that it was overwhelming, washing over her body in warm waves. 

She loved this nameless genderless child that was giving her headaches and making food taste funny. 

You're giving me a lot of trouble for someone I haven't even met yet, kid, she thought at her belly. Very mischievous. I can already see that you'll take after your daddy.

She was struck by a painful, aching need to see Kylo. To have him hold her in his arms, kiss her, tell her that everything was going to be all right.

As it was, there still laid 5 weeks between them.

Unable to help it, she burst into real tears; painful sobs that wracked and rolled her tiny body.

She sat down on the floor by the window, drawing her knees up to her chest and burying her face in her hands, feeling sad and tired and lost.

She sat there for so long that she wasn't even aware that the sun had set, turning the windows into two dark glaring eyes.

Nor was she aware that Hux had walked up on in her indisposed state, kneeling down beside her and asking her repeatedly what was wrong.

She looked at him for a moment, all surprise and concern, and embraced him shakily, trying desperately to control her breathing and stop the seemingly endless flow of water coming from  
her eyes.

He sat hunched down beside her, quietly holding her, letting her stain his coats shoulders with salty tears.


	9. Chapter 9

She knocked timidly on his door, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

It opened almost immediately, and with one quick motion he had lifted her off her feet and into his arms, shutting the door behind them.

"Rey . . . "

She had arrived back to base an hour ago, but Ren had not been present to greet her. This was due to the presence of Supreme Leader Snoke, who went himself to welcome back the General, Rey, the soldiers and the crew that had accompanied them.

They had agreed in their last letter to each other that if Snoke were to be there, they would meet up in Ren's quarters when it was safe enough for her to slip away.

He finally held her in his arms, now, shaking all over at her nearness.

It was almost painful, holding her. Almost like touching her skin was creating a burning sensation, traveling up and down his body and settling in his starved heart.

He looked at her all over, trying to hold back tears. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. It was as if she was glowing, like her skin was leaking out a very bright light directly from her soul.

He set her down and kissed her, backing her against the wall, his hands roaming all over her shivering body.

In his eagerness, he was a little more rough with her than he intended, and she flinched, her hands going out protectively in front of her body.

He stopped and pulled away, confused.

"What's wrong?"

"It's, um, I have something to tell you."

His heart leapt into his throat, his palms going sweaty.

"What's wrong?! Are you hurt? Are you still sick?", he asked in a panicked voice, hands gently going out to check over her arms and face, looking for any outward signs of injury.

"I'm fine, Kylo. I'm fine, I promise. Just--come sit down with me, please."

Heart still throbbing, he walked numbly to sit beside her on the sofa, the fear in his chest rendering him unable to speak.

This was it.

This was why her last two letters to him had been so brief, so mechanical.

It had happened.

Her feelings for him had changed. 

She no longer loved him.

Tears stung his eyes, threatening to spill over his lashes. He didn't think he could take it, if that was what she was about to say.

His body started trembling as he waited for her to speak.

"Kylo," she began, biting at her lower lip. "I don't know how to even say this, so I think I'm going to show you, instead."

He watched in confusion as she shifted in her seat, pulling off her oversized robe. 

"Do you see it?"

He frowned, looking her all over. He could see no discernible difference.

She sighed and pulled up the bottom of her loose shirt, revealing her pale stomach. Her--considerably larger stomach?

"NOW do you see it?", she asked, patting the bulge with her hand.

"Is that what this is about?", he asked, relief flooding through him. "You almost gave me a heart attack! I don't care if you've gained some weight, Rey. I love you. And I want you," he added, moving in to kiss down her neck.

She pushed him away gently.

"That's not it, Ren. I haven't just gained weight. This isn't food," she said, now resting both hands on her belly.

"Then what--", he began, and stopped, as a thought hit him. Did she--she didn't mean . . .?

"It isn't food?", he asked unsteadily, a slow smile dawning on his face.

"It isn't."

"Are you--?"

"WE are having baby, Kylo. . . . surprise?"

He was frozen for a moment, and then he was hugging her to him, crushing her, kissing breathlessly all over her lips and face.

"I can't believe it," he murmured over and over, in between kisses. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I--wasn't sure how you'd react. Or if you'd--even WANT this," she replied, eyes tearing up a bit. "I was so scared you'd be angry because of all the potential problems this could cause, I wanted to wait to tell you in person."

"Rey . . . " he began, then pulled her into another deep kiss. As he pulled away he said, firmly, 

"From now on, you are not allowed to worry about anything. Your only priority is to wake up in the morning; leave the rest of the day to me. Is that understood?"

"But what about--"

"No, no, no. No 'buts', no wondering, no stress. I will take care of everything."

"Oh, by the way," he continued, grinning at her, "You're moving in here with me, now. I've been wracking my brain for these last few months trying to think up something to get you in here; now I have the perfect reason."

She smiled at his enthusiasm, and at the outpouring of love she could feel flowing from his heart.

He placed his hands on her belly, tenderly feeling the little bump. 

"Can I get you something to eat? Or drink?"

"You know I'm going to be pregnant for at least 4 more months, right? It's still early. You don't have to wait on me hand and foot just yet, you'll wear yourself out," she teased.

Her smiled at her, leaning over to kiss her belly. "What did I say about worrying? We're going to have problems if this kid is as stubborn as you are."

"What do you think it IS?", she asked, patting the bulge. 

"You know, I'm not sure. Honestly I just want the kid to be healthy, and--happy."

"Well, if it takes a cue from its parents, I think it'll be happier than it can stand. Although I'm a little scared that--"

"Shhhh, no worrying! We can worry about everything later. Right now, let's enjoy the moment. The woman that I love is having my child. There is nothing more important than that."

Ren kissed her again, and then smiled at her, gently lifting her up and pulling her into his lap.

"I have a question," he began timidly, not looking at her. "I know I'm going to sound like a jerk asking this, and if the answer is No, then I'll back off and won't bring it up again. But I'm asking because I honestly don't know, I've never had experience with this before."

She began to laugh as she read what was on his mind, shaking her head a little.

"Yes," she said in a whisper. You can still have -- that --, while pregnant. In fact," she said, beginning to kiss down his neck, "Many doctors think that doing so is very healthy for both mother and child."

"I DO want you to be healthy," he said as he leaned close, his breath trailing along her skin, raising goosebumps along her arms.

His hands found their way to her thighs as he began kissing her, rubbing there, teasing her sensitive skin, causing her to moan into his ear. 

"I want you, Kylo."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she whispered, gripping his hair and pulling him closer. "I've been dreaming about this for months."

"Me, too." He stood, holding out his arms for her. "May I carry you to our palace, my lady?"

"I might be a bit harder to carry now," she said shyly, standing up beside him.

"Never," he said, bending and easily swooping her into his arms. "However, if you REALLY wanna talk about things that are getting--harder . . ." he trailed off with a smirk.

"Shut up," she said, kissing him as he carried her off towards their bedroom.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Supreme Leader, Rey is pregnant."

Ren stood before Snoke, sweating bullets but determined to have his say. He had promised Rey that he would take care of things, and this was the first step in doing so.

"We had relations the night before she left with General Hux."

"She wanted to come tell you herself but I said no. I will not have any undue stress coming to her for the next few months."

"Supreme Leader, I am happy in The First Order. So is Rey. I have been your apprentice for so many years, and I have always served you faithfully. I mean no disrespect now, but I am standing before you as a man and telling you that I won't let Rey go. I can't. Nor will I let any harm come to her."

"You will never find two stronger force users than myself and Rey. And I wager that our child will be stronger than either of us, and he or she, too, will serve you."

"Once this child is born, I DO intend to make Rey my wife. And we would both be honored by your blessing in all this. If not, we will leave. I'm no fool; I know that to even say that would mean being hunted down and executed like any traitor. But if you do that, you will be losing a trifecta of talented individuals from your Order."

Supreme Leader Snoke sat quietly while listening to Ren's speech, his facial expression unchanging.

He had known that separating Ren and Rey would be a long shot in dimming their obvious affection for each other. But he had never expected this outcome.

Still, he was an intelligent man, and he could see the value of Ren's words. He and Rey were both exceptionally talented, and to lose them would be a travesty by all accounts. 

And it was likely true that the child would prove to be stronger than either of them; his or her allegiance to the First Order would help ensure a legacy of power long after His or Her parents were gone.

Also, he had never seen this amount of fire, of passion in his apprentice before. If he could harness this feeling and use it, his powers would become exponentially greater than they were now.

He smiled down at Ren now.

"Lord Ren, while I can't say that I whole-heartedly approve of this situation, I admire your courage and conviction in presenting your position to me as such. You have also given me much to consider for the future. You have my word, and my blessing, that so long as you both remain loyal to the First Order, no harm shall befall either of you. Or the child."

Ren breathed out a sigh of relief, looking at his Master. He reached out and subtly probed Snoke's mind, trying to see if there was hidden meaning behind his words, but was unable to find anything of suspicion.

"First things first; within the week you both shall come to live in quarters closer to mine; larger, with space for a child."

Ren wasn't thrilled about being closer to Snoke but was grateful for larger living spaces. As it was both his and Rey's separate quarters were too small for a child.

"Thank you, Supreme Leader," he said, bowing before him.

"You may go, my apprentice. When Rey is up to it, bring her before me so that I may offer my congratulations myself. Until then, please give them to her for me on my behalf."

Ren thanked him again and turned to leave, thankful that everything had turned out so well.

Once in the hallway, he nearly ran into Hux, who had been on his way to see Snoke with a handful of paperwork concerning the super-weapon.

"Lord Ren," he said gruffly, clearing his throat. "I wish to offer you my congratulations on your upcoming situation."

"How did you know about that?", Ren asked him, narrowing his eyes.

 

"I found out, inadvertently, before we came back to base. I found her crying in the hallway of the ship on Tattoine, after I had her go to med bay, a few weeks ago. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, so I forced it out of the medical droid."

Ren grimaced to himself, thinking of how much pain Rey must have been in when she first found out, how scared, how alone.

"I know she knows that I know, but I haven't said anything to her. I wished to respect the privacy of both of you. She's--really a very nice girl, Ren. She has a good heart, and that's something rare around this place. I'm happy for you. Both of you."

"Thank you, Hux," said Ren, extending his arm and giving Hux a warm handshake.

Hux smiled, then stepped away awkwardly, unused to engaging in such friendly displays with the knight.

As Ren turned away, Hux said, teasingly, "Pray that whatever it is, boy or girl, it looks like HER, not you!"

"Believe me, I know," he laughed, before continuing on his way.

I wonder what made him change, he asked himself as he walked along the hallway. He wasn't like that before he left, and I really doubt that a ten second scare from my lightsaber turned him around.

I think -- it's Rey.

It's like she changes everyone she comes into contact with.

I wonder if our kid will be the same way.

Huh . . . our kid.

I really like the way that sounds.

He thought back to the other thing he had told Snoke, about intending to make Rey his wife once their baby was born.

That hasn't been entirely true.

Not in the sense that he didn't want to DO it, but in the sense that Rey was not aware of his intentions.

He supposed they didn't have to get married.

His own parents were never married, and they lasted for better than 20 years, all told.

It was the idea that interested him, more than anything else. The idea that they belonged solely to each other, and their child, but no one else. 

And he wasn't sure how, or when, to ask. He didn't want her to think that he would be proposing just because she had borne his child. In reality he had had the idea in his head almost from their very first kiss. But how to make sure she KNEW that, without having to actually tell her?

He shook his head as he drew near his door, berating himself.

Hey, Kylo, you remember how you told Rey not to worry about anything right now? Take your own kriffing advice.

Good idea, he answered himself as he opened the door and stepped inside.


	10. Chapter 10

"How are you eating that?", Ren asked, wrinkling his nose.

"What's wrong with it?!" Rey asked defensively, popping another slice into her mouth.

For the past month Rey had been consumed by cravings for the strangest, most awful-sounding food imaginable. 

Today's creation was black melon pieces dipped in cold cream of Womprat soup.

The smell alone made Kylo feel like he would pass out, although he said nothing of this to Rey. 

Along with the questionable taste in food, she had also developed a somewhat sensitive temperament lately, apt to cry or get angry over the slightest things.

Two nights ago he had come home from training with Snoke to find her sitting on the floor of what would be the baby's room, sobbing because the window "was on the wrong side of the room."

Kylo was patient with her, always ready to hold or comfort or dish up odd menu items. He knew that she was in a considerable amount of discomfort; her energy constantly gave out waves of mild physical and mental pain.

She was frustrated, too, with not being able to train like she used to. Kylo felt that the physical exertion of doing martial arts and swinging a heavy lightsaber was too much for her, and wouldn't let her engage with him in these regards, no matter how much she pleaded otherwise.

She took to building up her mental arsenal, instead, working on her mind reading abilities and freezing various life forms into place. She practiced often on Kylo, and he was proud of her, when she could render his whole body motionless with a single thought. 

She was even allowed, to an extent, to help interrogate prisoners along with Kylo. Her ability to force-pull information out of others' minds was impressive, almost better than Kylo himself.

Still, she missed being able to physically spar with Kylo. She missed the feeling of rocks and mud underneath her feet; of the thrill of anticipating his moves and countering them with her own.

Her increasingly limited mobility was a constant sore spot in her side, but she tried to get as much activity in a day as she could. 

Often she would go for long walks around the base with Kylo, in the early mornings or evenings, during which they would talk endlessly about their child and the future.

The child was growing rapidly, seemingly very strong, and healthy. Both Kylo and Rey had meditated over the child and were able to sense it's life-form, strong and vital. And eager, apparently, to meet its parents.

It kicked its mother relentlessly, strong little feet drumming along her sides until she was worn out.

"Oh!" she cried out now, dropping her melon piece as her hand flew to her side. "You're really being active today, aren't you?", she muttered, rubbing at the sore spot with her fingers.

Kylo frowned, coming over to her and sitting down. He knew the kicking and the pain was just a normal part of pregnancy, but still. He hated to see her hurting, no matter how briefly.

"Hey, kid," he said, placing his hand over Rey's. "Go easy on mama, okay? Don't think just because you're little you can't get a spanking," he said teasingly.

As if in defiance, the child kicked again, this time a few inches above where their hands were resting. Both burst out laughing immediately, shaking their heads.

"This child is definitely all YOU," said Rey, picking up another melon slice.

"Maybe." he replied, stealing a piece of melon, sans soup.

"So, I have some news. At least I think I do."

"What is it?", he asked her curiously, looking at her.

"Well, I was taking a nap earlier, and I had the most vivid dream I've ever had in my life. I'm not positive but I feel like it was a force vision, a small look into the future."

"What do you think you saw?", he asked nervously.

"I think I saw--our daughter. Daughter," she emphasized the word with a smile.

"Daughter," he repeated softly, smiling at her. "A little girl."

"It was so clear, Kylo. You were standing in her room, you were holding her, and she was touching your face. She looked just like you; a tiny head of black curls and really dark eyes. And everything was pink."

"Pink," he laughed to himself. "If you really feel like that, maybe I should get started painting her room, huh?"

"Not yet. It could have been just a dream. And who knows, even if it is a girl, maybe Padme wants yellow instead."

"Padme?", he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. I was thinking back to when you were telling me about your grandparents. I really like that name--Padme."

"I think it's beautiful, my love. But what about Rey, Jr? That could be pretty amazing, too," he said with a smirk.

"Kylo, if you ever tried to name a child of ours Rey Jr., I'd kill you."

"Fair enough," he said with a laugh. "What about as a middle name, though? Padme Rey Ren?"

"I don't know, Kylo. It doesn't sound right to me. What about Leia, after your mother? It'd be a good way to honor her."

Kylo closed his eyes briefly, rubbing his temples. 

A few months ago, before Rey had come back home, they had received intelligence that Ren's mother had passed away from some type of infection.

He had felt her go, before they told him. Had felt the negative pull of energy that happened with her departure.

In a way, he was somewhat relieved, that it had happened the way it did. He knew that eventually the First Order would have tracked down the part of the Resistance that his mother was affiliated with. 

When that happened, he would have been forced to kill her, the same way he had done his father.

And he didn't feel like he could do that.

He didn't feel the same type of anger towards his mother that he had with his father. His mother's worst crime was that she was too preoccupied with her work, too busy to see that her son was faltering and needed her attention and guidance.

Instead she had sent him away to his uncle Luke to train. Sent him away when he needed her the very most.

Upon many years of reflection, he had finally come to understand that his mother had done what she had felt was the best thing possible for him; even if later her decision turned out to be very wrong. She had loved him, even if she wasn't very open about expressing it.

He had left the base when he heard she passed to attend her funeral, which was held in a public place and attended by many people. Besides being a dedicated General of the Resistance, she was also the last formal princess of Alderean, and considered royalty by many.

He had stood in the back, in dark clothes, listening as person after person stood up and spoke about what his mother had meant to them.

He hadn't worn his mask, but he knew that no one would recognize him except possibly his Uncle Luke; and Luke was still in his self-imposed exile and not present at the proceedings.

He had waited until everyone left the cemetery and had approached his mother's grave, alone. He had sat down in the damp grass and talked with her for hours, far past sunset, telling her about his life and his new family, hoping that she was listening, and that she forgave him.

"Please, if you find Han, tell him I'm sorry for what I did. I loved him. I love you both. Goodbye, mom."

He had felt a little cleaner when he left, like he had cut himself open and taken out something that had been rotting in his body for a long time.

"Are you okay?", Rey was asking him quietly, eyes searching his face.

"I'm fine," he said as he took her hand, kissing her fingertips. "And I think you're right, it DOES sound good. Padme Leia Ren."

The baby kicked at Rey's side three times, quickly, as in in agreement.

"I guess that makes it unanimous," Rey said, wincing as she patted her side.

"You look tired," he said, watching her. "Maybe you should take a nap?"

"YOU look tired too," she countered with a grin. "Maybe you should take a nap with me?"

"That's not a bad idea, actually," he said, yawning, as he stretched. "I just need to use the Refresher first; I'll be right out."

He came out and went into their bedroom, grabbing a blanket from the bed. When he got back to the couch, he chuckled to himself, not at all surprised that Rey was already knocked out.

He spread the blanket gently over her, and curled up behind her on the large sofa, moving slowly so as not to wake her.

He cradled his arm around her, holding her closely to him. 

Sleep well, my dear, he thought to himself.

A tiny kick fluttered against where his arm connected with Rey's belly.

You, too, little girl. Take a nap, Padme.

Padme kicked once more and then relaxed, perhaps taking her father's advice and resting for a while.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ren put his hand in his robe pocket, feeling the two hard little boxes, and smiled to himself.

He had just been to a jewelry store in the neighboring system, picking up an order he had placed a few weeks ago.

He had decided that the time had come to ask Rey to marry him. While they probably wouldn't actually get married until after Padme came, he wanted to at least be engaged.

He had spent hours poring over thousands of intricately cut diamonds, all different shapes and colors, set into various styles of gold bands. The choices were overwhelming, and he wanted to be sure that he picked the right one.

Finally deciding that none of the rings were exactly what he wanted, he chose to have one custom-made, working closely with the patient jeweller until he created one that he felt matched what he had in his head.

The band was to be a thin delicate gold. The ring would have 3 large diamonds, each unique in color and cut, placed in a gold-circled heart surrounded by smaller white diamonds. The first diamond would be Yellow, the second Red, and the third a light Pink.

The second thing he had gotten was a little silver heart locket necklace, with a scattering of rubies on the outside. Inside the locket was a small poem, that he had read once in a book.

"Yours is the light by which my spirit is born;  
You're the sun, the moon, and all my stars."

Two gifts, for the two women in his life. 

He took a deep breath before he walking into their quarters, trying to think of a good time and way to go about this.

He was startled, when he came in, to find Rey standing behind the couch, leaning over it and gripping it, a look of agony on her face.

He flew to her side, panicked.

"What's wrong?!"

There was a wet puddle on the floor beneath her, an oily dark mix of water and blood.

"I don't--I don't feel--I don't--"

And suddenly her grip loosened and she fell, crying out in pain. Kylo's reflexes kicking in to catch her just barely before she hit the floor.

Cradling her in his arms, he ran with her to Med Bay, kicking open the doors and shouting for help.

The staff, a mix of humans and droids, got her unto a table and undressed. 

"She's in labor," said a droid in a calm voice, setting up a cone around her lower area and laying out an assortment of tools.

"In--labor? She's barely 8 months pregnant; she still has a month to go," he whispered in a choked voice. Panic was threatening to overtake him and he struggled to keep a level head.

"Lord Ren, I think it's best you wait outside while we do this. In your present state you're likely to do more harm then good."

Rey let out another agonized shriek, and Ren could only stare at her, horrified. He numbly let himself be led outside the doors and he stood, frozen, barely able to watch through the windows as the staff moved in a circle around his Rey.

Time seemed to be moving in slow motion. He couldn't see Rey's face but he could hear her cries, each one cutting into him like a blade.

He was about to burst in there and go to her, no matter what the doctor said, when suddenly her cries were cut off, and a new kind of cry came, instead.

He pushed open the doors slowly, feeing as though his legs were going to give out at any moment.

A human doctor came up to him and said quietly, "Lord Ren, I'm  
afraid their were complications. Your baby is fine; healthy and fully developed despite being born early. However, Rey was hemorrhaging when you brought her in. She lost a great deal more blood during the delivery. We've stabilized her, and we're beginning the transfusion process now; however, to insure that her internal injuries will heal themselves, I've had to place her in a temporary medical coma."

Ren listened to him, hearing him but not hearing him. "A--temporary coma?", he repeated in a daze. "How long is 'temporary'?"

The doctor sighed, looking at him. "It could be a few days; it could be a few weeks. It really depends on her body."

Ren nodded mechanically, trying to keep the black cloud of panic from slipping once more over his mind.

"But--she'll be okay? She'll--live?", he asked, his voice breaking on the last word.

The doctor placed his hand firmly on Ren's shoulder. "Yes, I promise you, she'll live. She's young, and fit, and strong. She just needs some time to rest, that's all."

Ren breathed out a shaky sigh. 

"The baby--is okay?"

The doctor smiled at him gently. "More than okay; very strong, like her mother. And completely healthy. Would you like to see her?"

"Her," Ren said, a slow smile spreading over his face.

"Yes; you have a daughter. Congratulations Lord Ren."

He turned around and gestured to a droid standing across the room, who was holding a very tiny bundle wrapped in a pink blanket.

Ren stood looking down at this person, at his daughter, and suddenly felt very dizzy. A feeling rocketed through him, strongly, one he had never felt in his life and didn't know if he could handle feeling again.

His -- daughter.

He timidly held out his arms and the droid placed the blanket into his them, whirring and backing away. The human doctor did the same, giving him a moment of privacy with his child.

A small, squirming bundle with curly black hair was looking up at him. Looking directly at him, dark brown eyes focused on his face, it's little pink lips moving around in a series of cries and snuffles.

Very gently, he used his fingers to stroke her hair and trace all around her tiny, perfect features. He raised her up and kissed her, very softly, on her round pink cheeks.

"Well, hello there, Padme," he whispered, aware that tears were flowing freely down his face. "I'm your daddy."

"Ren?"

He turned around, eyes still streaming, protectively cradling the bundle in his arms. 

It was Captain Phasma, helmet tucked under her arm, standing in the entrance.

"One of my men told me that you were running down the hall with Rey. I came to see if you were okay."

Ren sighed, and gave a brief explanation of what had happened, and Rey's current condition.

She approached him slowly, eyes full of sympathy. "I'm so sorry, Ren. But she's a strong girl. Give her a while and she'll be fine."

Ren nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"So, judging by the pink blanket, I'm going to guess that you have a -- daughter?"

He smiled a little, holding out his arms. "See for yourself."

She leaned over, being careful not to breathe too much, as she looked down at his child.

The baby's eyes immediately, uncannily focused on Phasma's, causing her to draw in a surprised little gasp.

"Maker, Ren, she's gorgeous. Look at her! She looks just like you!"

"Thank you," he said quietly, rocking her back and forth. "Her names Padme. Padme Leia Ren."

"That's a really unique name. So pretty."

"It was my grandmother's and my mother's, respectively. I wanted to go with Rey Jr., but Rey didn't like that idea."

"Well, I can't say I blame her much," said Phasma, wrinkling her nose. "I can't wait 'til she wakes up so I can congratulate her in person."

"Me, too," said Ren, his body shaking with the effort to hold back another flood of tears.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The next few days were difficult ones for Ren. Rey remained in med bay, still sleeping, hooked up to countless monitors. She was stabilized, and the transfusions had returned her blood count to normal.

Yet she remained unconscious, her body taking the time needed to heal itself.

Ren visited her every single day, sitting by her bedside and holding her hand for hours, talking to her about their daughter.

He had insisted, from the beginning, that he be alllwed to take the baby home with him, despite the doctors suggesting that she be left in med bay under the care of a nurse.

"There is no way I'm leaving my daughter behind with a stranger," he had growled, his expression darkening, and no one had dared argue with him further.

He had Phasma come over when she was off duty to watch the baby for him while he set up her bedroom. He and Rey had not been expecting this visitor quite so soon, and had done little more than paint the walls of her room a cheerful pink.

Ren set up her crib and changing table, as well as one small dresser in the corner.

Padme had little in the way of clothes so Ren was faced with the daunting task of going to a shop and picking out tiny dresses and rompers for her. He folded and hung her clothes meticulously in her room, praying that most things would actually fit.

Diapers were another territory entirely, and he was grateful to have Phasma help him with that.

In between the time he spent visiting Rey and setting up Padme's room, he played with his daughter; holding her, rocking her, dressing her, feeding her with a bottle, reading to her.

She was only about a week old but he already felt such a strong bond with her, and a strong love. He could already tell that she was strong with the Force, and couldn't wait until the day she was old enough for him and Rey to train her.

Supreme Leader Snoke noticed her strong presence with the Force, too, when Ren brought her to him.

"She will be most powerful," he had said, smiling at Ren. "She may be the strongest addition to my empire yet."

Ren had agreed outloud, although he didn't really feel that would be the case. He felt that one day he would either take Rey and Padme and leave this place, or kill Snoke and take the crown for himself. 

He didn't want his daughter to be subservient to anyone, even if he had to die to keep her from that possibility.

But he controlled these thoughts around Snoke; and besides, there was too much to worry about in the present day to think that far ahead into the future.

For someone so young, she seemed to be more alert of her surroundings, and of the people around her, than the average newborn. She was even discerning in regards to who she let hold her. She went to Phasma willingly, always laying quietly in her arms and staring up at her face. She had went to the General as well, although she had taken it upon herself to spit out a blob of white formula on his shoulder, seeming to grin as she did so, much to the amusement of the others.

"Ren, this child is, without a doubt, completely yours," he had said as he wiped off his sticky uniform, smiling in spite of himself.

Yet the one time Snoke had tried to hold her, she had puckered her face and emitted loud cries and shrieks until Ren took her back into his arms, claiming that she had just been a little fussy lately.

He and Padme went, now, to visit Rey. This was the second time he had brought her with him, and he was almost positive that Padme knew exactly who it was that was laying silently asleep in the bed.

He spoke gently to Rey, telling her about his and Padme's day, about the toy she had received from, surprisingly, Hux.

"He got her the biggest stuffed ewok that I've ever seen in my life, Rey," he was telling her, Padme asleep in the crook of his arm. "It takes up an entire corner of her room, and almost touches the ceiling. I don't know if he sent one of his men out to get that or if he got it himself; but I can just picture him walking down the hallway in his uniform and lugging a giant stuffed toy."

He looked down at Padme's sleeping face and sighed to himself, feeling tired. He closed his eyes and dozed a little, gently tucking his chin into his daughters soft warm hair.

"Kylo?"

His eyes fluttered open, and he yawned, thinking he had been dreaming.

"Kylo--?"

Slowly, he turned his head back towards Rey's bed, afraid that he was going crazy, hearing voices.

Rey had her eyes open and had raised herself into a sitting position, staring at him confusedly. 

"Rey!" he exclaimed in a whisper, setting the baby down in her little carrier as he went to his sleeping beauty.

"You're awake! You're okay! he murmured, kissing her all over her face. "Do you feel alright? Should I go get the doctor?"

"What happened?" she asked in a sleep-thick voice, gingerly touching the needle and tube stuck in her arm.

He took her hand as he explained the last week and a half to her, choking up every time he looked at her sweet face.

"And the baby's okay?"

"She's more than okay. She's wonderful. She's the best thing that ever existed in the history of the galaxy."

"I want to see her!" Rey exclaimed, trying to sit up further, the tubes stopping her.

"Let me get the doctor first to get these things out of your arms."

30 minutes later, with her tubes removed and the doctor assured that she was physically okay, Ren was lifting the baby out of her carrier and bringing her to Rey's bedside.

Padme woke up, eyes darting around, until they connected with Ren's face.

"Padme, your mommy's awake, and she'd very much like to see you!" he said as he gently placed the girl in Rey's outstretched arms.

She was silent for a long time, looking at her daughter. Padme's eyes were locked with her own, holding them in an impenetrable gaze.

Amazingly, Padme gave Rey what looked like a whisper of a smile, before yawning and closing her eyes, curling into her mother's warm arms.

"Maker, Ren," she whispered, unable to say anything else.

"I know," he answered, squeezing her hand before wrapping his arms around the both of them, his little family.

"What's that around her neck?", she asked, referring to the little silver heart locket.

"Oh, just a little gift I picked up for her," Ren said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Less than two weeks old, and you're already buying her jewelry?" Rey asked him teasingly. "She's going to be spoiled."

"All princesses deserve to be spoiled, Rey. It's their right."

She rolled her eyes as she gently reached out to examine the locket, admiring the glittering rubies covering the outside. She opened it up and read the little poem inside, eyes tearing up.

"That's so beautiful Kylo," she said, closing the little heart back up. I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful in my life."

"I have," he says with a grin. "Two things, actually."

He leaned down and kissed her, passionately, being careful not to jostle the baby.

"I can't wait til I can come home and we can all be together," Rey said as they pulled apart.

"Me either."

"In the meantime, though, maybe you should go home and get some sleep. You look tired."

"We're not going anywhere until you come with us tomorrow, dearest. We've decided we're sleeping here with you tonight. Right, Paddie?"

The baby gave a little snort in its sleep, as if in agreement.

Rey raised an eyebrow. "Paddie?"

"Just an innocent little nickname," he shrugged as they both laughed. 

"I like that. Paddie."

"Good."

"Do you know what I'd like even more?", she asked, dropping her voice into a suggestive drawl."

"What?"

"A piece of Eopie cream pie. I'm starving!"

Ren laughed, standing up. "I'll go see if I can find you something in the mess hall. You'll be okay until I come back?"

"We'll be okay," she smiled, readjusting the baby in her arms. "Now hurry up with that pie."

"Yes, ma'am," he laughed, snapping her a salute as he walked out the doors and towards the mess hall, a wider smile on his face than he would have dreamed himself capable of.


	11. Chapter 11

"Rey, I love you. You've given me your heart, you've given me your soul, and you've given me a daughter. You give me the entire world every single day, and I don't want to ever be apart from you. Will you marry me?"

Padme looked up at him, wiggling her toes and cooing with laughter.

Months had passed, and everything had returned to normal at home. Rey recovered from her injuries beautifully, and had recently begun training with Ren again, much to the joy of both of them.

At 7 months, Padme was a happy, healthy baby. Her parents couldn't lavish enough affection or attention on her, and she responded to them in kind, always smiling up at them with her dark, compelling eyes.

Ren was especially devoted to her, rushing home from missions and interrogations and playing with her for hours on end.

It was a stark contrast, and it would have been interesting if any of the enemies of the First Order could see the difference.

The difference between the cold-voiced, masked wearing devil who tormented and choked and killed people without a second thought; to the one whose face was red from laughter, tickling his giggling daughter' feet as he levitated her above him, watching as she clapped her tiny hands together in delight.

She looked at him now, still giggling, her eyes looking into his as if to say "Just get it over with already, dad."

He had practiced variations of this speech on Padme for the last week while they were alone together, always losing his nerve to go through with it for real once Rey came home.

He kept the box with Rey's ring in it constantly in his robe pocket, always intended for that day to be THE day; but he always ended up losing his nerve.

"You must be getting sick of listening to me," he sighed as he picked her up, carrying her into the kitchen. 

Although she was young, he could tell that she was really intelligent. Whether that came from her strong force sensitivity or from some other inner thing, he didn't know. But he always had the distinctive feeling that, when anyone was talking to her, she was actually listening. More than listening; she was UNDERSTANDING, even if she wasn't able to respond back.

So he and Rey spoke to her often, confident that she was appreciative of their words.

"I'm hungry, Paddie. I think you probably are too. How about we get you some food?"

He set her in her high chair before going to the cabinet and grimacing.

He really disliked the little jars of baby food; he thought they smelled absolutely vile. Yet Padme seemed to love them, always kicking her legs fiercely whenever they pulled a jar off the shelf.

He always avoided feeding her any kind of meat-based jar if he could manage not to, sticking with the slightly-less-disgusting vials of fruit.

He smiled as he found a jar of banana-berries, which actually smelled pretty decent compared to the rest.

"Is this okay?" he asked, holding up the jar. She kicked her chubby little legs in response, her hands going to her mouth.

"Good," he said, pulling up a chair as he began to feed her from the little rubber pink spoon.

As he fed her, he talked to her.

"I don't know, Paddie. I don't think I'll ever get up the nerve to ask mom. It's not that I don't WANT to; I'm scared. What if she says no? What if she laughs?"

Paddie impatiently grasped his hand with her little fingers, urging him to feed her faster.

"Imagine if she says yes, though. We could have a wedding. Your mommy will look so pretty in a dress. And we'd have to get you a pretty dressy, too. A white one. Would you like that? A pretty white dressy?"

He looked at her and laughed. She had dribbled mushy banana all down the front of her chin and bib.

He set the jar down on the kitchen table and got up to find a napkin to wipe her off. He found one at the sink and wetted it a little, before turning back around.

He dropped the towel, and his jaw, at what he saw.

The spoon from the jar was slowly making its way across the space between the table and his daughter, who was staring at it with a concentrated look, brows knitted together, eyes intent.

He watched as she opened her mouth and let the spoon in, swallowing the little bit of mush. Then she smiled, grasping the handle between her little fingers.

"Oh, Maker," he said weakly. "Paddie--are you doing that?"

She looked at him and gurgled, waving her arms around the tray.

"I can't believe it!" He exclaimed as he went to her, lifting her out of her chair and hugging her tightly. "You can use the Force! And so EARLY! That's incredible!"

She giggled and kicked her legs against him.

Rey walked in the door, calling out "Kylo? Paddie? Where are you?"

"In here, Rey!" he called out excitedly, putting Paddie back in her chair.

"What's going on?" Rey asked, taking in his glowing expression.

"Rey, you're not gonna believe this," he said, putting the spoon back in the jar. "Paddie, show mommy what you did!"

Paddie sat still, looking up at them both with a little grin on her face.

"C'mon Paddie! Show mommy! Please?" he pleaded with her, going to stand across the room and taking Rey with him.

"Kylo, what are you doing?"

"Rey, you wont believe it; she actually moved the spoon to her mouth all by herself! She can already use the Force!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes! She did it just before you walked in! Paddie please show mommy your neat trick!"

"Show mommy, Paddie!" Rey encouraged her, watching with bated breath.

Nothing.

No movement.

"Kylo, I think you made that up just to tease me," said Rey.

"I did not! She really moved it all by herself!"

"Well, maybe she doesn't feel like--"

She froze mid sentence. A small black box was making its way across the room, steadily moving towards the high chair. 

"Are you doing that?", she asked in a shocked whisper.

"Nope," he said, grinning as he watched.

The box landed on her tray and Padme smiled, clapping her hands down on top of it.

"I can't believe it," said Rey in that same hushed voice, going to stand by her daughter. She gently moved her daughters hand from the box and picked it up curiously, cradling it in her palm.

"Kylo, what is--"

She turned around, and was shocked to see that Kylo was on one knee in front of her. He gently took the box out of her hand and opened it, revealing the ring with its heart-enclosed trio of diamonds.

"Rey," he said, taking a deep breath. "I've been meaning to ask you this for quite some time now, but each time I try, I lose my nerve. I've rehearsed this with Paddie a million times, but as soon as I look at your face, all the words fly out of my head. But here goes: I love you. I love you and Paddie more than I had ever dreamt it would be possible to love another human being. I love you and I can't be without you. You've already given me more than I deserve, but now I want to ask you for one more thing: your hand. Your hand, your body, your heart, your everything. Will you marry me?"

She threw her arms around his shoulders, embracing him as tears ran down her cheeks, pulling him into a deep kiss.

"Is that a yes?", he asked, wiping away his own tears as they pulled away.

"Yes."

He lifted her off her feet in a hard embrace, kissing her passionately. Behind them, Padme gave a little yell, swinging her feet against her chair.

"Thank you, Paddie," he said, going to pick her up and hugging her to him. "I probably would have gone on another year if you hadn't moved the box."

Paddie cooed happily, putting her little hands on his face and looking at him as if to say "it's about time!"

"This ring is all wrong, Kylo," Rey said from behind, studying it on her finger.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, these colors are supposed to represent me, you, and Paddie, right? Our family?"

"Of course."

"Well, you're missing a diamond."

"How am I--", he began, then paused, looking at her.

"Do you--you don't mean--?"

She smiled and put her ringed hand on her belly, patting it gently.

" . . . surprise?"

He grinned, switching Paddie to one arm and lifting up his fiancée with the other, spinning them both in a joyous circle.

He kissed her again, laughing as Paddie made a scrunchy face between them.

Come on, you guys, the face said. You two are always kissing. It's gross. And embarrassing.

Well, that's too bad, kiddo, Kylo thought towards his daughter, planting a kiss on her cheek as well. You're going to be seeing these kisses every day for the rest of your life, and you're gonna GET quite a few, yourself; so you might as well learn to enjoy it.

The coming months would have new joys, and new stress, with a possible wedding to plan, and another baby on the way.

But try as he might, he could not feel anything but ecstatic over the situation.

The planning and the worrying could wait until later.

For now, he was content just to stand there, holding the entire universe in his arms.


End file.
